I think I’ll just leave this here. Discuss among yourselves:

Well, before I go, here’s a good comment from a YML reader, from when I posted it on the Facebook page:

It sounds to me that the “sleepover” part was really a side note to the main message of her book, that sex is a topic that should be openly discussed with your teens as an eventual part of any healthy, responsible, long-term relationship, and not simply suppressed with the ultimatum “Not under my roof” or “Not until you’re married.” Although I wouldn’t see that much of a problem with permitting a well informed 18 year old to have a sleepover like that with their bf/gf of 2 or 3 years. I think parents who refuse to acknowledge or discuss their teen’s sexual activity, even when they are the ones paying for birth control and obviously must know it’s happening, are being unreasonable, and perhaps even a bit cowardly. You can’t pretend that they won’t have sex – of course they will, and banning it from your home is not going to stop them. If anything, they will feel as though you are denying their rights as (mostly) adult human beings. Their emotions, and urges are just as real, valid, and intense as anyone ten years older and often even more so due to their hormones at that age, the best you can do is prepare them for it, that is after all your job as a parent.

Your thoughts? 

Candles are a personal weakness of mine. I have a thing about rooms (especially bedrooms) smelling good. It’s hard because our bedroom is right above the kitchen so some nights I come to bed and our room smells like curry, or BBQ chicken, or fettuccine Alfredo.  All awesome smells, but when it’s time to, um, love on each other, I don’t want to feel like I’m cozying up to a plate of leftovers. That ain’t hot.

So I recently got the opportunity to try out a massage candle from Eden Fantasys that I felt would kill two birds with one stone. Massage? Candle? Make the room smell pretty AND get the party started? Yes, please!

Alright, here’s a teeny confession: Call me slow but I had the hardest time figuring out what I was supposed to do with a massage candle. Like, you pour wax on me? Or you rub me with the candle? I didn’t get it. (Quit laughing at me!)

So we lit the candle and got started. And waited. And waited a little longer. I figured I’d go take a shower and by the time I was done, we’d be ready to roll.

Eh, no such luck. We waited another 5 minutes, got impatient and used it with the wax that had melted. (A couple tablespoons’ worth…just enough for my massage. Hehe.)

I had two concerns:

1. I was a little nervous about the wax being too hot and scorching me, but surprisingly it was the perfect temperature.
2. Putting candle wax on me? Am I going to have to chip it off in the morning? Luckily, it wasn’t too waxy or oily. Perfect consistency.

Lesson learned – light that sucker and wait at least 20 minutes. Then it’ll be perfect.

Disclosure: Eden Fantasys gave me a complimentary candle to try out.

I posed a question on the YML Facebook Page earlier this week: When was the last time sex was an EVENT?

I don’t mean the sex that just…happens because well, he’s there and you’re there and Law & Order just got boring.

I mean the kind of sex where you KNOW you’ll be skipping to work the next day. And you plan accordingly.

You do your hair so it looks AND smells nice. Shave your legs. Paint your toes with a cute new shade.

Grab your favorite perfume. Put away the baggy pajamas and put on something a little more revealing.

You get a little rest the night before because you know you’ll need all your energy in order to put on the best show.

It was sad how many of us don’t have those days as a regular occurrence. Shoot, I’ll be the first to admit that my “Turn off the lights, light a candle” days are fewer than I’d like.

So what to do about it?

It’s Valentine’s Day weekend and if you have a love in your life you need to get it cracking!

Here’s your homework:

Clean up your bedroom. Put away the dirty (or clean!) clothes and make sure there’s no clutter visible. If you’re like me, that means clearing off your side table and putting the computer away. Change your sheets and spritz a little perfume on them. Get some fluffier pillows. Vacuum the floor.

Do one thing that makes you feel HOT. Not just “cute,” not “beautiful,” but HOT. I know you have one thing in your closet that gets you feeling like Kim K. (if that’s your type) – put it on.

Make an “appointment.” Tell your honey flat out that he needs to get ready because IT’S ABOUT TO GO DOWN. Name a time and place. “10:30, our room, see you there.” Nuff said.

Do something with the kids. And by this I mean, get them out of your house, or at least two rooms away from you. You need to be focused, not listening out for the little feet scurrying by the door.

Got something else to add? I’m serious about this homework, ladies. On Monday, I want us SKIPPING over to the Young Mommy Life Facebook page, whistling from joy!

In keeping with my theme of co-parenting this week, we’re tackling communication today - how to express yourself in a way that minimizes fights and maximizes your chances of you both getting what you want.  

When I asked moms on our Facebook Page what their biggest problem is in their relationships, they almost all said communication was at the top of the list. So you feel me on this.

It seems like men and women have vastly different communication styles. Men might as well be speaking a different language for as much trouble we have understanding each other. They say one thing, we hear another and before we know it, a fight has started and we can’t even remember who said what.

I haven’t been perfect in my relationships. I could be accused of being overly dramatic, a crybaby or even a bully. I’ve pretty much mastered all the ineffective communication techniques there are and have only recently began to explore the positive ones. I’ve been using these tips below to make sure I can get my point across and we both walk away with what we want:

Erase any disrespect from my tone or wording. I used to come off as very harsh whenever I needed to express some concern or bring a problem to light. Because, well, I was pissed. But I had to learn to separate my anger from the conversation, otherwise we’d never get anywhere. Take a deep breath and watch your tone as well as your words. Don’t use phrases like, “I hate it when you…” or “Why do you always have to…?”

Repeat his concerns back to him with no interpretation. When a conversation starts getting heated, my natural inclination is to look for holes in his argument so I can come out the victor. But why is that necessary? Can’t we both be right, in our own way? Now I just repeat back what he says so I can make sure I understand his point.

Accept the fact that I – gasp! – might be wrong. I started off my marriage feeling like I had all the answers and if my husband would just listen to me, it would be smooth sailing. But alas, I’ve since learned that if I don’t begin disagreements from a mindset that “My word is law,” we can usually come up with a solution to any problem.

Take a second to eally look at what I’m being stubborn about. Am I being stubborn because, well, that’s what I always do? Do you always look to prove your point and you will continue arguing the same points or saying the same thing in different ways until the other person tires of your foolishness and gives up? If this sounds like you, STOP. Move on.

Ask yourself, “Will this matter in three years?” Asking myself this question usually keeps me on track, because I don’t want to be arguing about little things for hours on end. Will I care about this issue in 2015? 2020? No? Then let’s get to a solution and keep it moving. But if it is going to be important, say, where we send our kids to school, then I’m digging my feet in and using the rest of these tips to stay on topic.

Acknowledge the other person’s argument. No one likes feeling like they aren’t being heard. We all want someone to say to us, “You know what? That makes perfect sense. I understand what you’re saying.” Find a piece of their argument and praise it. They’ll see your concession as a way to loosen up a bit, and you’ll both get more of what you want.

If you look at my tips, you might think to yourself, “Man, why do I have to do all the work to make our communication better?”  That’s because YOUR response and your actions are all you have control over. You can’t control how he responds or if he makes life easy or difficult for you. Remember – stress comes from wanting to control circumstances beyond your control. If you could change him to make life easier for you, you would do it, right? But since you can’t, it’s easier to just work on you and what your response is.

How’d you like these tips? Were they helpful? What would you add to the list?

Let me be the first to raise my hand and admit that I’ve never been a perfect wife. Like, not even close, dude.

I’ve learned a LOT over the past few years but a lot of my growth has been trial and error, stumble and recover. It hasn’t been pretty but I’ve managed to become a wife that I actually like.

I read this list of “7 Deadly Sins of Relationships” and my goodness! I had hit every single one of these! Read on and let’s learn from my (our?) mistakes:

1. Resentment. *waves hand frantically* Ooh, wee! This was me all day every day. We had kids early in our marriage  and I had a lot of resentment about how much motherhood changed my life while his (from my viewpoint, at least) looked the same. It took a toll but I learned that no one likes a grouch, especially a grouch who won’t share her feelings and make an effort to remove the resentment from the relationship.

2. Jealousy. This one is still a work in progress. (At least I can admit it, right?)

3. Unrealistic expectations. I did think my husband was supposed to be like my father - work all day, come home and then make dinner, and wash clothes. My husband did things differently and it took a while for us to find our groove. But that’s okay – it’s supposed to!

4. Not making time. Again, the kids. I know it sounds like an excuse but these kids consumed our lives for the past three years. I’m glad we invested so much time with the kids, but our marriage did indeed suffer. Luckily, we’re both committed to this thing til the wheels fall off, so we’re able to double our efforts now.

5. Lack of communication. I’ve talked about this before and I’m proud to say it has improved. I’ve learned to really listen when he talks and he has pledged to talk more so that I’m comfortable. All is good on this front!

6. Not showing gratitude.We’ve learned that a little gratitude goes a long way. It feels like a lesson that we should have learned a long time ago – like in kindergarten. But we did learn it; we just didn’t know how to apply it to a healthy marriage. Now we’re always cognizant of how long it’s been since we’ve expressed our appreciation to the other.

7. Lack of affection. Kissing, hugging, holding hands - all minimized once we said “I do.” How backwards is that? We’re now committing ourselves to those physical displays of affections – daily!

Ladies, tell me, how many of these relationship “sins” have you fallen prey to?

I’ve heard from so many moms lately around the topic of sex, and I wanted to write a follow-up post to yesterday’s “Keeping (or getting) it hot” post dedicated just to you.

Dear Mom Not Getting Enough Sex,

One thing I do know is that we, as women, as mothers, are way too hard on ourselves. We want to be great mothers, great partners, do a great job around the house, hang with friends, and then to top it all off, we think we’re supposed to transform into this ready and willing sex goddess at will.

Well, let me tell you: it’s too much pressure. Don’t beat yourself up because things are different. Yeah, you told me about how it used to be pre-baby. About how you used to be this stiletto-wearing, low-rise jean owning, sexyface self. But guess what?You had kids. Things change. You probably won’t get back to exactly where you were. You probably won’t be able to spend your Saturdays naked in bed eating Chinese food and burning it off through, um, exercise. Horizontal exercise.

But you know what? This is okay. I always tell moms that it can take a few years (yes, YEARS) to get things back on track. Kids won’t be so little, so helpless, forever. You will have more time for you. I promise.

If you want something to change in your sex life, it has to begin with you. No one can make you feel sexy if you don’t truly believe it. So if you don’t feel sexy, make one change. Something small. See how it affects you. Get up 15 minutes earlier. Buy a new bra. Get some Spanx if you’re uncomfortable with your post-baby body. Take bubble baths before bed. Do something that makes you feel sexy. Then channel that.

Need a more of a boost? Try something new. This guide from Women’s Health  magazine allows you to input exactly what you’re working with (stamina, flexibility, ahem, size) to come up with a sex position that works for both of you. Need even more spice? Pick up one of these Naughty of Nice coupon books and cash in on some great lovin’. Clueless where to start? Pick up the newly released  Mominatrix book from the ultra knowledgable Kristen Chase.  By the time you finish the book, you should be back on track.

My point is that it won’t happen overnight. You will (unfortunately) have to work at it. But having a happy, thriving sex life should be FUN. You should enjoy the journey. Make small changes, until you can look up one day and feel good about where you are. Okay? Do this one just for me.