Great question from the mailbag today. I can’t wait to hear what advice you give her!

The Problem

Hey YML readers! 

My name is Patrice and I’m the happy mother of a 16-month-old baby girl. I working full-time at the office job I’ve had since I was 17! I like my job for a few reasons: I’m surrounded by generally good folks, kind of by accident I’ve been appointed in charge of the database system that the company relies on (FileMaker Pro), my boss lets me bring in the baby whenever I want, and it’s an easy commute.

On the other hand, I’ve wanted my own business since I was 16 and wanted to even more since my baby was born. I’d love the opportunity to watch her grow, just be with her at home, and, yes, save on day care.

I just don’t know how to turn my love of budgeting, cooking, customer service, and database management into a business I can run from home. I don’t know the steps. It’s all very scary. I’m currently single (as in I’m with my daughter’s father but not married) and my significant other is jobless. I’m taking care of us all and it’s VERY stressful.

I’d be happy for any advice and tips you would have for someone like me.

P.S. I have been to college but never finished. I’m nervous about going back to school, with a baby, and failing.

My Take

Whew! That’s a lot on your plate right there. Let’s see if I can give you my two cents…

You’ve got a little one and yes, day care is expensive for that age range. While working from home is awesome, there are also a lot of headaches involved and having a 16-month-old around for most of the day will severely limit how much work you can get done. I’m not saying it’s impossible (because nothing is impossible), but it will make it more difficult to own your own business if you want to also have your daughter home with you.

Since your significant other is jobless right now, I would suggest the following. Check out my post on finding work-at-home jobs. Apply for a few and let’s all keep our fingers crossed that you can land at least one. Set goals for income each month. The first couple months you might want to aim for about an additional $50 per month.  The most important thing to plan your work and work your plan. Sit down with your boyfriend. Is there a way he can watch her during the day, at least until he finds a new job? The two of you will need to sit down and figure out how to make this work. If you want to go back to school, that’s a whole ‘nother conversation, one that I encourage you to have.

Let me tell you, though: You can do this. It is scary to think about becoming your own boss, but the important thing to remember is that this is not an all-or-nothing situation. You indeed have your cake and eat it too! I always talk about having multiple streams of income, because it sets you up for a better future. Work your day job, and spend an hour or so a night making your side dream a reality. It is hard, but it can be done. How do I know? Because I’ve done it. I know other mamas who’ve done it. It’s not impossible.

What do you all think? Any advice for Patrice? 

This is why I love the YML community. One of the fabulous mamas left this video on the Facebook page (join the conversation if you haven't already!) In it, a vlogger gets a question from a viewer who wants to know if she should keep her baby, at 19 and pregnant. Check out her response below:  

It has been two months exactly since I was laid off. It still feels like yesterday. On Sunday nights, I still get that “Gotta go to work in the morning” feeling. Every morning I wake up and turn to grab my work clothes.

Then I remember. I have no where to go. I stay here.

Right now, I am the work-at-home mama of two. Both kids are home with me all day every day. In between breakfast, snack time, and potty training, I manage the needs of my growing list of social media and freelance writing clients. Luckily, most of my work can be handled by e-mail with the occasional naptime phone call.

Right now, I’m making mortgage money, something I was terrified I wouldn’t be able to do once the hammer came down back in November.

Somehow I’m making it work. Is it hard? Hell yes. I work all the time now. Evenings, weekends, middle of the day, 1 a.m. – I’m usually up, typing away, doing research, editing, scheduling social media updates.

But I’m my own boss. I get to spend all day with my kids. I’m pocketing the $1,100 per month we were spending on daycare. I get to save the two hours a day I was spending in the car driving to and from work.

Life is good.

I’ve concluded, definitively, that this was the best thing to happen to me. The best. Even though I didn’t think so at the time.

I’ve been doing a lot of reflection over the past couple days and of course, I’ve come up with some lessons. Feel free to think I’m talking directly to you. Because I am:

1) Self-care needs to be higher on your list. Spending all day at home has allowed me to slow down and take stock of my life. My nails (hands and feet) are always in a “Ugh, I need to get a mani/pedi” mode. I don’t get a chance to do my hair nearly often enough, and my wardrobe is blahsy, blah, blah. I eat too much of the wrong foods and I don’t hardly drink enough water. But now? I’m working out 4x per week, and I keep my water bottle with me. Still working on the hands and feet, but I’m on my way.

2) Kids need attention more than your money. My babies love nothing more than to just sit in my lap and let me rub their bellies. All this time, I’ve been focused on making money. Trying to make sure they never ever have to go without. New clothes, new toys, organic food, enough extra money to keep the heat on 75 in the winter. Yeah, I wanted them to have all that. But now I realize that I should’ve spent more time on the floor with them.

3) Exercise will help you get through the day. Do it as soon as you wake up. If I don’t work out within an hour of waking up, there’s a 90% chance it won’t happen. But once it’s out of the way? It’s smooth sailing from there. I have more energy, more patience, I start the day already feeling like I’ve accomplished something.

4) You need less money than you think. This goes along with #2. I became so preoccupied with my job and making more money that it was really taking a toll on my mental health. And now that we’re down to one steady income, I’m finally seeing that most of my hard work was going straight to daycare bills. How lovely.

5) Quiet time is great. I mean really, really great. That is all I have to say about that.

6) Smoothies are a multitasking mama’s best friend. I can get about 250 calories in one smoothie, complete with protein, fiber, vitamins, you name it. Takes 3 minutes to make once you have the ingredients and it’s a healthy boost.

7) Plan your life and make it count. I feel so fortunate that I had other avenues to turn to once I got the notice that my position was eliminated. (By the way, they have GOT to come up with a better way to say you’ve been laid off. Like, “We can’t afford to pay you anymore, because you’re too awesome for us!”) But that’s because I made it a point to always have multiple options just in case ish went down. And it did. So make that back-up plan, even if you’re confident. You’ll be glad it’s there.

Food is awesome. Man, if I could marry a plate of brownies or a pulled pork sandwich, I sure would. They are DELICIOUS and something about great food just makes you…well, you know:

But I’ve been using food for everything lately. For a hobby – I’m learning how to bake and giving the results to my husband’s co-workers and the neighbors. For my kids – teaching them basic lessons using cooking and measuring as starting points. Love.it.

9) Get out the house. For your sanity’s sake. This applies to stay-at-home moms AND those who work outside the home. Get out the house. Go to Panera. Or the bookstore. Just sit and read a magazine. Then go home.

10) All you need is within you. Even if you’re scared, you think you don’t have what it takes, you think the economy is too rough, you think your friends won’t support you – it doesn’t matter. You CAN do it. Don’t be scared. Don’t let that fear paralyze you. You can do it – now go!

Today is my first day of stay-at-home motherhood.

Yes, I have a few social  media clients (ask about me) and I’ll still be blogging and school starts back up in January, but for the most part? I’m the full time caregiver for the foreseeable future. We have no nanny, no babysitter (yet) so if I need to go somewhere, I’m packing ‘em up and taking them with me. Oh boy.

I’m a little nervous and I am wondering how in the heck am I going to get everything done? The laundry, cooking three times a day instead of once, blog posts, homework, baths, storytime, crafts, trips to the library, social media maintenance for my clients…I want to curl up in the bed just thinking about it.

I figure this week will have a severe learning curve, as I’ve never been a woman who just does one thing, even if that “one thing” is spending time with the two little people I love most. It will be hard for me to just sit and be with my kids. I need structure, probably more than they do, so at the end of the day I can feel like I’ve accomplished something. Here’s my schedule so far (and yes, I am aware that it might be totally unrealistic but here’s our starting point):

8:00 Start the day with breakfast and stories.

8:30 Clean the kitchen, living room while NickJr. plays babysitter (don’t judge me)

9:00 Hit the library for story and play time

10:30 Play time – Mama starts making lunch

Noon – 2:00 NAPTIME!!! (Yes, my kids still take two-hour naps. Hallelujah!)

2:00 – Arts and crafts time (Today we’re making gingerbread houses)

3:00 – Cleaning up and NickJr plays babysitter once more (sue me, alright?)

4:00 Start making dinner

5:00 Hubby comes home – We eat dinner

Then it’s the whole bedtime routine and the struggle to keep the kids IN the bed once we put them there.

Then I’m supposed to go to sleep and do it all over again the next day. And the next. I didn’t put in there when I was supposed to get work done. I guess that’s what the weekend is for, huh?

Any of my readers stay at home moms? Any advice for me?

I haven’t done an “Ask the Readers” post in a while. Here’s one that needs your immediate attention:

Hi Young Mommy,

I am a 24-year-old mother who is fed up. I’ve been with my child’s father since I was 16. He went away to school and cheated on me and didnt tell me about it until my son turned 1. If he would have told me when it occured I would have already left and we would not have a child together.

He’s the only one I’ve ever been with and I love him, but he’s also a big baby. He whines about everything. I feel like the man in my relationship. He smokes and raps (2 things I hate). We drive each other crazy and it is affecting my son and my school work. What to do?

Signed,

Can’t Take It Any More

Dear CTIAM,

You sound like mentally you are ready to leave – you just want confirmation it’s the right decision. I’m not sure if this makes you feel any better, but your situation is not that uncommon. I’ve heard from sooo many moms who were in your shoes. In a relationship with their first love and still in the relationship out of a sense of obligation, not necessarily out of love and devotion.

The first thing I want you to ask yourself: Are you happy in this relationship? Don’t answer too quickly. Sometimes we say “Yes” or “No” before we really understand what happiness really looks like for us. Let me ask you this: When you wake up in the morning, what’s the first emotion you usually feel? When he calls you on the phone, do you race to pick it up or do you let it go to voicemail because you just don’t feel like dealing with his nonsense right that second? Be honest with yourself. Again, I ask, are you happy? Are you happy with him?

It sounds like you are not over the fact that he cheated. Did you ever get closure from that? Have you two talked it out? Did he apologize and promise not to do it again? If he did, do you believe him? If you truly feel the trust has been broken with no hopes of ever fully mending it…I think you know where I’m going with that.

You say he is a big baby. You might think he needs to grow up and be, well, a man. You want him to quit smoking and quit rapping and become more responsible, right?Well, let me tell you this – he will not change. At least, not because you want him to.  These kinds of changes are driven from within. So you might be banging your head against the wall trying to get him to see things your way.

Instead of trying to change him, focus on what YOU can change. Can you change how you respond to him when he does things that push your buttons? Instead of asking him to quit smoking, can you ask that he only does it outside? And then, give him some clothes to change into once he’s finished. Start small.

The most important thing I think in this whole situation is that you two have a kid together. So, even if you decide you don’t want to be in a relationship with him anymore, you are still going to be attached to him in some way. My question is how can you build better relationship skills? I’d recommend checking out the resources at WeParent.com or Coparenting101.org. You can learn from real-life couples how they managed to behave cordially once the relationship was over. It will not be an overnight process, but you can make it work.

You have a little guy to look out for and your heart to protect. Guard both fiercely. Keep pressing forward in your school work and shield your son from as much of the emotional strife as possible.

This is a hard decision, but ultimately, it’s yours to make. We wish you the best in whatever you choose.

What do you think, YML family?  Do you have any advice to add?

When I started this Co-parenting Week here on YML.com, I had a few posts I knew I wanted to do for sure. But I made some adjustments when I got this question from a reader. That’s what this blog is about, right? Helping each other out and giving advice to help us live our best lives!

April asks:  

I was wondering if you could give some advice on what me and my friends like to call the 3rd Party movement. The 3rd Party is a new girlfriend, boyfriend, or in my case grandmother.  Who suddenly serves as the intermediate between the mother and father.  I have tried to explain to my daughter’s father than we should be able to work out money, scheduling, and various issues on our own. Especially since neither one of us has been disrespectful towards one another.  However, since our official breakup all questions regarding daycare, money, and overnight stays are now being directed to or from his mother.  It’s very frustrating and I don’t understand why the father cannot speak up on their own or why a parent would want to get in the middle of their child’s parenting issues. 

Can anyone give April some advice? What do you do when you can’t communicate directly with your child’s father? Is there a way to make this arrangement work?

So many people close to me are trying to get pregnant.

I’m talking taking temperatures, having sex every two days, buying ovulation kits, stocking up on pregnancy tests, going through round 1 of IVF  - the works! They are sooo looking forward to becoming mommies.

Now it is difficult for me to understand their enthusiasm. As you know, both times I found out I was pregnant, my first reactions were “Shit!!!!” and “How in the hell…?” respectively. Wasn’t trying to get pregnant, wasn’t doing (much of) anything to prevent it. But at that time, getting pregnant was the worse thing to happen to me. It was struggle after struggle to get my life in order before the baby arrived.

So when they talk about their disappointment of not being pregnant that month, it’s all I can do to keep myself from blurting out, “Enjoy your freedom! You’ve got one more month to go whatever you want whenever you want before it’s too late!” How insensitive, right?

It’s got me thinking about why people decide to have kids. I had kids because I got pregnant. I wasn’t actively trying to have them (yes, I was having sex but you know what I mean!) and I am done now.

But why would people decide to go from a happily married couple (because those are the folks doing most of the planning), free to travel and eat out at restaurants three nights a week, to parents, who are making multiple meals in the slow cooker to save money for diapers and daycare?

I ask because I never got a chance to make the decision and say to myself, “I think I’m ready to become a mom.” Nope, I looked at the stick and said, “Well, I guess I’m going to be a mom.”

So why did you decide to have kids? I am genuinely curious…

Today’s question is about moving on and finding joy in the present:

“Traci” writes:

It has been 3 years since I had my son and I still find it difficult to accept him for him. Once he gets into trouble and I scold him, I take my aggressions of his father leaving me on him.

The beginning of the end started with him abusing me when I was pregnant. Then he started cheating, and I guess he got the guts to just leave and be with her. So this was 3 years ago. He left when my son was 5 months old. It still hurts a lot. I gave him every part of me.

My current boyfriend is upset because he says I’m still thinking about the past and taking it out on him and my son. He says that I need to shape up or I will lose out on a good thing. He is a great guy. I don’t want to lose him. I’m scared to make myself vulnerable again. I feel so lost.

What can I do to control this, and to build a better bond with my son before it is too late?

As I told Traci in my e-mail to her, it’s wonderful that she was able to reach out and ask for help. We’re all so stressed and in our own worlds that sometimes we need to step out of our situation and ask others for advice. Keep reading for my advice and chime in, mamas with your advice in the comments below:

Can I tell you a quick story first? When I first got together with my husband, I was about three days out of an abusive relationship with my ex-boyfriend. I was in my dorm room with my new boyfriend, and my ex-boyfriend was on the phone, yelling and calling me a bitch, refusing to believe our relationship was over.

I fully expected my husband to get up and walk out the room, because who wants to deal with that type of drama? Instead, I came home from class the next day to a bouquet of flowers, with a note that said I was someone special and worth loving. I haven’t given my ex a bit of thought since.

This is why you need to move forward. To reach for happier moments, to realize your true-self worth and to grow into a capable, strong, loving woman, free of emotional baggage.  

From what you’re telling me, it sounds like it’s a good thing that he left. Now, I know it’s hard to see it as a plus – you gave him everything and he had the nerve to do you like that?!  I feel your pain. But abusive and infidelity are no joke, as both endanger your health and peace of mind, two things you need to guard fiercely once you become a mom.

So he left you for someone else? Good – now he’s her headache, not yours. You deserve much more than the physical and emotional pain of abuse. You deserve more than waiting up at night, checking his cell phone, wondering who he’s cheating with this time or if he’ll get upset if you insist he wear a condom. You deserve so much more than he is able to give you. Period.

You have to be able to look your son in the eyes and see him for his own person, not the little version of your ex. Since your son is a product of a relationship you’d rather forget but can never fully erase from your memory, you’ve got to come to terms with your anger toward your son before it’s too late.

So how’d I do, ladies? What do you want to say to Traci? How can she get over the pain her ex caused and be a better mom to her son?

Can I just pause for a moment and tell you how much I love the discussion we have on the Young Mommy Life Facebook page? I mean, for real. If you haven’t “Liked” the page yet, please hurry up and do so, in order to give your two cents to the moms who rely on us for support and advice. The world said (good) young moms don’t exist – so we said, “Screw you!” and made our own support group. Love it!

Today’s question comes courtesy of a mom I’ve known for years. Years, I tell ya. I have a son so I’m interested to hear what you all think about this issue.

A  mom writes:

I have a complicated issue. The other day my son and another child were in time out, because they hit each other. Now knowing my son, I’m sure the other child hit him first. So then the question becomes, do I tell him not to hit or hit back when someone hits him? I don’t want my son to believe that violence is okay. He is a very even-tempered boy, however he’s a boy and growing up, other boys are going to hit him. I don’t want him to be bullied and grow up and not be able to defend himself. I just feel like boys will be boys!

Hmmm…this honestly has me stumped. I try not to spank my kids because I don’t want them to think hitting is okay (I’m really, really sensitive to violence.) But at the same time, I can’t have my kid being a walking, talking punching bag, especially if I’m not there to help them out. They do need to be able to defend themselves.

It’s partially why I’ve always been drawn to martial arts, and the way you’re able to gracefully protect yourself. Maybe some karate classes are in his future?

What do you all think? Should we teach our kids it’s okay to hit if you’ve been hit first? Are the rules different for our daughters?

I don’t pretend to know everything there is about motherhood – I couldn’t know everything, even if I tried.

So in writing this book, I’m asking for your help – your insights and observations, tips, tricks and advice that has helped you along the way. Writing a book solely from my viewpoint – that would be boring, right?

I’ve created these surveys for you to give your input to me, in a way that I can capture and read and edit and pick and choose. It’s a lot of work, yo!

Do me a favor and fill one (or all of them) out and be included! Deadline to answer these surveys is July 23.

General survey - Tell me who you are and what you think should be included in the book.

Your kids - Tell me about the joys and challenges of raising kids, no holds barred!

Money issues - Are you scraping by or saving money every month? Tell us how you do it!

Stereotypes and the young mom - Have you ever dealt with judgmental stares and comments? Share how you get people to mind their business.

Thanks in advance for your help!

A mom writes on our Facebook discussion board:

“I need advice on when to start potty training. I am a new mom with my only son so I need some advice. He will be three in September and I have sat him on the toilet but what is the time limit? I find that I don’t have the patience to sit there. But I need to because Pull-ups are expensive.”

Mama, I am right there with you. Except that my son is 2. And my 3-year-old has already been through the potty training experience. 

But still. Potty training is by far my least favorite part of motherhood. I almost drove myself to the bottle after potty training my daughter. It made me wish I had been bold enough to try that whole “EC” thing, where babies are potty trained by the time they were six months old.

But I digress. We used a big potty chart with stickers and I let her add stickers for each time she went potty. There were stickers everywhere. On the chart, on the floor, on the carpet, on her clothes, on the living room mirror. EVERYWHERE. It was crazy. (By the way, that graphic isn’t just to illustrate this post. That book was really good in getting my daughter to be interested in even sitting on the toilet. Click the photo to find out more about it.)

Eventually, she got it. But not without a lot of praying, a lot of time sitting on the floor in the bathroom while she took her sweet little time doing number 2. A whole lot of time with my face in the toilet, talking about, “Did you pee? Did you poop?” A whole lot of underwear changes when we didn’t get to the bathroom in time.

But just because I’ve been through it once, doesn’t mean I feel at all like I know what I’m doing. So can we help this mom out?

Got any potty training tips? Ready, set, go!

At my daughter’s first birthday party, someone asked me when I was planning on having another kid.

“Ayanna’s getting bigger,” they teased. “You’re gonna want another one.”

I shot them a look – surely they must be joking. I was JUST beginning to feel like life was “normal” again – my daughter was sleeping well, I was working part-time and loving it, and I was free of those new mommy hormones.

“Pffft,” I said, waving my hand. “I don’t plan on having any more kids for a WHILE.”

Little did I know that I was already pregnant when I said that. Say it with me: “What the HELL?”

I was not prepared for this pregnancy, maybe even less than I was for the first one. (Check out my post, “9 Things I Wish I Did Before I Had My Second Kid.“) But I was determined to make this work.

Let me tell you – those first few months were ROUGH. My daughter wasn’t potty trained yet, so I had two kids under two in diapers. And I thought I would lose my mind. I wrote this post back in December 2008, when my son was almost five months old.

These days, I spend most of my time with two kids and a husband. One kid is usually guaranteed to be either beginning or ending a tantrum. And when one quits, the other picks it up. They’re like a mini-Olympic crying relay team. Quite a team, those two. Hard to believe they’ve only been at it for four months.

The problem with having two kids under two is that they are both equally demanding. Both still need you to wipe their butts, feed them dinner, and entertain them when they get bored. This problem is multiplied by the fact that neither one cares that the other one has needs too. My 2-year-old could care less that three hours have passed since her baby brother has last eaten, and my baby boy doesn’t quite understand that his big sis hasn’t quite mastered this whole potty business, and therefore needs me to attend to her diaper.

How do I manage? By keeping things in perspective. I think about this: Even if today is a really bad day, there is always tomorrow. If tomorrow is bad too, then maybe you’re just having a bad week. A bad week here or there in the larger scheme of things isn’t too bad.

*deep sigh* Yeah, I remember those days. Now, baby girl is potty trained so that’s a relief. But I still have days where I question my sanity. They are still loud and still a top-notch relay team but now they play together. And they leave me alone entertain each other when I need a moment to scream breathe. What more can you ask for?

All moms of two (or more) kids – what would you tell a mom of one who is nervous about making the jump?

I wrote this post called “Should Married Folks be Clubbing?” a while back, and I realized I hadn’t ever really explored that topic here, as it pertains to moms. Just when I thought I had run out of things to write about, right?

I have not been to a club since my oldest was born three years ago. But truthfully, I had only been “out” once or twice before I had her, so I don’t think I’m missing much.

I asked the moms on our Facebook page, “Should moms be clubbing?” and the page blew up. Within minutes, we had 20 comments.

Most moms were in the YUP, MOMS NEED TO PARTY WITHOUT GUILT side:

Barbara wrote:

There are a lot of people who are very quick to place mothers in the same category as a nun or saint. It’s as if, once you become someone’s mother, you are no longer allowed to be a woman/an individual/etc. Being a mother is NOT a death sentence nor a license to be dull. 

Itxel wrote:

All mommies are women and deserve to feel sexy and have fun once in a while but never forgetting that after motherhood, priorities are much different, and motherhood is FIRST.

Erica W. wrote:

Becoming a mother doesn’t equal giving up your life! Since when did going to a club make a woman a bad mother? So what if your kids see you going to a club…what exactly is wrong with that? As long as you’re taking care of home and carry yourself like a lady, I so go for it!

Then there are the moms in the STAY YOUR BUTT AT HOME (kinda) camp:

Latonya wrote:

I do think we should choose wisely the places we go. I don’t have a problem with drinking or dancing, but quite a few clubs I have been to have ended with fights and shootings so for me I choose not to go to clubs because you never know what will go down that night. Of course, I understand that all clubs are not that way. I personally rather not risk it.

Erika K. wrote:

Choosing to have a child young means being different from your peers. You still have the urge to keep up with your friends but you cant. I tried being 22 and a mother and it took some time for me to meld into the role. Every chance i had a break, I wanted to let loose like the rest of my friends but soon realized a baby and a hangover dont mix.

What side do you fall on?

I can sum up my entire breastfeeding experience in two words: pink milk.

First time I put my son to my breast he chomp, chomp, chomped away. I pulled back and looked at him in horror. “No, no, no,” I’m thinking to myself. “He’s supposed to suck, not chew. WHY IS HE CHEWING MY NIPPLE?”

The lactation consultant came in, all bubbly and cheery. “How’s it going today?” she asked.

I just looked at her.

“Oh, I know that look,” she said, picking up on my cues and sitting beside me on the bed. “Let’s see what we’ve got here.”

I pull out my boob and try position my son in the football hold. I bring him to the breast and as soon as he gets close, he starts chomping again. Not sucking. But chomping.

“Oh my,” the consultant said softly.

“Oh my?” I think. “Oh my? The lactation consultant is not supposed to say that. They are supposed to be calm and wise and have all the answers.

My son kept chomping for most of that first week and into the second week. And then into the third week. I would do all the little tricks the consultant showed me to get him to latch on without biting, but damn it if that little boy didn’t just want to EAT. Nom, nom, nom.

By the time he turned one month old, he was up to 12 pounds. He ate every 90 minutes. My poor nipples looked the part. They were red, peeling, numb. I tried every remedy I could think of or Google, but nothing really helped because I didn’t get a long enough break for them to heal properly.

One day I positioned him to eat and of course, he chomped on me. I pulled him back and looked down. My nipples were dripping pink milk. As in, my nipples were bleeding, mixing with the milk. I began to cry softly. This is not cool.

I called my mom and asked her to come over. When she arrived, I handed my son to her, then went in the bedroom and took a nap. I didn’t hold him for almost 48 hours, instead pumping milk for him and soothing my boobs in between. It was clear – we needed a break.

But once my nipples healed, I went back at it. I never really felt that bond that other moms rave about but I felt good about feeding him something that my own body produced. That was pretty cool.

But I did not feel guilty once I had to go back to work and I gave him formula. I did the best I could and that’s all I ever ask of myself.

I do think moms need to at least attempt to breastfeed. Try it. Give it time. Know that it might not be easy. Set a goal for yourself. Say you want to breastfeed 3 months, 6 months, 1 year. Heck, scratch all that and just take it one day at a time. Do not be intimidated by the lactation consultant. They are there to help you.

The decision to breastfed is so explosive these days. See this illustration? 

Yeah, it’s heated out here. Do your research, make your decision and stick by it. As long as you are acting in what you feel is the best decision for you and your baby, after weighing all the pros and cons, don’t let anyone make you feel bad for your decision. 

Does breastfeeding make you a better mom? Share your breastfeeding stories in the comments – can you beat my pink milk?

When I was pregnant with my daughter, my boyfriend’s sister used to call me “his baby mama” despite the fact that we were engaged and living together.  I would cringe every single time – is that how she saw me?

I guess my real beef came from my perception of the term. To me, “baby mama” was someone who had a kid with someone else, but there was no real relationship between the two and there never had been. There’s a reason “baby mama” rhymes with “drama.”

So when Alexandra over at Mommy Glow wrote a post grappling with her role as a single mom, I was drawn in:

I never really thought I’d have kids (before I found out I was pregnant), but once I had a child of my own the thought of being a single parent of being a ‘baby’s mama’ never crossed my mind even though my daughter’s father and I didn’t have a solid relationship. We tried to make it work, and it ran smoothly for awhile, but went ka-put right in front of my eyes.

And I gotta tell ya, even though I’ve been a ‘baby’s mama’ for about 2 ish years I don’t like it, I don’t like it, I don’t like it. There’s a slight pain in my heart when someone asks if my daughter’s father and I are still together, they hear the no, then give me the ooohh then their eyes graze the floor. That together with my  race and age and I sometimes feel like people assume of course you wouldn’t be with your kids dad…just another stereotype. And I know I shouldn’t care what anyone says…but I can’t help but want to say yes I’m with my daughters father, we are a family. But I cannot tell a lie.

I wrote in the comments that I did think there was a difference between a single mom and a “baby mama,” but maybe I’m wrong. What do you think? Is there a difference? What do you call moms who have primary custody but their child’s father is very involved in their lives?