With Christmas just 22 days away, I feel an unusual sense of calm this year. This will be my sixth Christmas as a single mom, and I think I’ve finally gotten to a stable place in my life where I can balance the additional bells and whistles of Christmas with everyday life. And I’ve learned not to expect anyone else, even my co-parent to step up and participate during the holiday season.
I look at my life now – a full-time job, a college degree, a nice apartment in a good city, Christmas presents hiding out in my closet…and I get goosebumps. Things but a few years ago weren’t so seemingly put together.
Being a single parent has required me to be extremely creative during the holidays, even to get the most basic of items. I watch every dollar that comes in, and now paying my student loans off there hasn’t always been a lot, if any, extra funds to spend during the holidays.
I didn’t grow up with a lavish Christmas; it was the opposite in our house. With four kids, and often foster kids, a single mom working at times with two jobs, we were happy for what we had at the end of the day – each other. And when I became a mom there was a sense of excitement to have an extravagant Christmas, for her Dad and I to really provide for her what we didn’t have ourselves. And then I struggled being a single mom and that dream seemed further from my grasp.
While I’m happy to be able to provide my daughter and family members with presents this year, I’m reminded of what’s important for me to remember as a single parent. I cherish the time I spend with my daughter, in her Dad’s absence I have been afforded the opportunity to share a bond with her no one else has, and that is truly something to celebrate. For so many years I very much played the Grinch—upset that my daughter’s father wouldn’t see our daughter on Christmas. Wouldn’t call. Wouldn’t get her presents. Worried myself sick at how all of his shortcomings were going to affect her in the future and her relationships with men. I let that fear interfere with appreciating my daughter and all the love we share.
There is much to celebrate as a single parent around the holidays, and it has little to do with what is under the tree. I feel so incredibly blessed and spoiled to be a single mother truly because what I share with my daughter is special, and I know that my love for her will continue to help her grow and prosper.
Thank you for the reminder, Alexandra. I’m a single mother and am struggling in the present department. It seems after each year things aren’t getting better enough to be able to afford presents for everyone (with my two parents, three siblings, and my own two kids, it’s daunting). This year I’m putting in a lot of effort for DIY holiday gifts. I look forward to the day when I’m living comfortably and can donate money to help another struggling mom afford presents for her own kids.
“For so many years I very much played the Grinch—upset that my daughter’s father wouldn’t see our daughter on Christmas. Wouldn’t call. Wouldn’t get her presents. Worried myself sick at how all of his shortcomings were going to affect her in the future and her relationships with men. I let that fear interfere with appreciating my daughter and all the love we share.”
I’ve only just started to stop worrying so much. It’s freed up so much energy that I can now give to my son. It will be his first Christmas and I’m planning to make it special for both of us.