For the longest time, I’ve struggled with worthiness. I used to think it was low self-esteem and maybe it is. But somehow, deep down inside, I don’t think I’ve been worthy of the “good stuff.” Of having a devoted husband. Of having great grades and multiple degrees. Of making a good salary and being with my kids as often as I’d like. Somehow, during my moments of struggle I’d think, “Well, I’ve made some mistakes in my life, so surely this crisis/situation/problem is just what I deserve.”
It pained me to think highly of myself and to brag about my accomplishments. The not-so-in-your-face nature of Facebook helps, but the in-person, “here’s what’s great about me” networking? I struggle. Mightily.
When I have great career success, I kind of whisper about it to anyone who’ll listen.
So yesterday, I came home and found this in my mailbox:
It’s a feature in Kiplinger’s Personal Finance magazine, about the “new” world of self-publishing. My career and my book, Make It Happen, were featured. Obviously, I knew it was coming because I had an interview with the staff writer, the photographer came to my house, and I gave them my address to mail me an advance copy. No surprises.
As I stood there on the sidewalk with the magazine in my hand, I felt so incredibly proud of myself. Here I am, 26 years old, two children, a husband with an incredibly demanding career, nine credits away from a Master’s degree. Like, I really feel good about myself.
I feel like, even though I don’t know what the rest of 2012 will hold, or if 2013 will be able to top it, I’m good. I’m on a great path.
I’ve worked so tirelessly to make this “young mommy life” my platform. I want to speak for us and highlight our accomplishments. I’ve been up at 2 a.m. working on posts and researching nonprofits that assist with our needs. I chose to examine our population for my Master’s thesis. This is the most important work I’ve ever done and it’s gaining momentum.
I’m scared, y’all, because this pushes me even further out of my comfort zone. Like, I can’t even see it, it’s so far out of reach.
This is what I’ve been waiting for and praying for and working toward. I pray that I’m ready and even if I’m not, that I can accept success without doing my usual “Who, me?” routine.
I am deserving of good things. I work hard. I care tremendously. This is who I am.
Have you ever struggled with self-doubt or unworthiness? Do share so I know I am not alone in this.
I do. All of the time and when something good happens, I’m always paranoid something bad is right around the corner. I go back and forth with my self. “Hmm another good thing. Is this a joke? I deserve it. I better appreciate it before it gets snatched away. I need to do better.” *repeat*
LOL at Facebook not being so in-your-face. It is for me which is why I’ve avoided it lately. It’s been fueling my self-doubt. Congrats on your feature!
Sheena´s last [type] ..Julep Maven: Nail Polish & Mani/Pedi Care (Giveaway)
That’s so awesome Tara! You do have an enormous amount to be proud of! And besides all your accomplishments, you truly help young moms–and that matters more than you will ever know.
Tiny Blue Lines´s last [type] ..My Job: The Non-Decision Decision
Self doubt is something I struggle with on a daily basis. I wish it was as easy to cure as it is to get but that doesn’t seem to be the case. All we can do is take one day at time and remind ourselves that we are worthy of great things. If we tell ourselves that enough times eventually our mind will get with the problem and believe it.
Congrats on the magazine feature!!
YUMMommy´s last [type] ..Two Years Strong
So proud of you dearie! You definitely deserve this and much more. You’ve worked hard, and you’ve paid your dues. Its time to shine baby, and we’ll be right behind you nudging you on. Congrats on the feature
Blessing @ Working Mom Journal´s last [type] ..Taking a Pregnancy Test at Work takes Skills
Wonderful post!!! I can relate to what you’re saying. If you’re not the type to brag, it’s tough to say “I’ve done this, I’ve completed that, etc.” The fact that you have accomplished SO MUCH and you’re not even 30 yet is VERY commendable! You have done well!
The more you do, the more pressure you place on yourself to outperform what you did already. The more you do, the higher everyone’s expectations of you become! Just keep going, one step at a time.
Be blessed! And congrats on the article! That’s BIG!!!
Shelly´s last [type] ..Thinking….and Thanking!
It’s hard sometimes for me as well, but then I remind myself that “I work hard, gosh darn it” so I deserve to reap the benefits of that hard work. And so do you, Tara! Believe it. And be proud. Because I am… oh so proud of you. I can’t wait till I can be like, “I knew her bad when…” LOL. #RealTalk
Luck is when opportunity meets preparedness. So keep the grind up! xoxo
Alicia @MommyDelicious´s last [type] ..15 Years From Now…
Congratulations!!! I have dealt with the unworthiness and self-doubt. I have come from a place where it seemed like no good would come from it and if it did, it was not for long. I have pushed myself farther than I have imagined, although I am on a slow trek now and it seems like things are not taking off as I would want, I feel that it is going to happen. I have persevered through so much and if I just keep on pushing, it has to happen, Right?
Trina´s last [type] ..Detox: Day 3
You are definitely not alone! I think we all (especially women) suffer from moments of self-doubt especially with so much else going on that could make us feel inferior. I think it’s just a realization that you are who you are and you don’t have to be anyone else to be “special”. My father in-law actually said something to me that I’ll never forget when I told him that I felt that way before. He said, “Don’t think about it too hard. If you feel like laughing, laugh. If you feel like crying, cry. Live your life like you want to and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise”. For me, that definitely took the burden off because I realized I was just living for everyone else. So I hope that helps someone else. As for your success, you SO deserve and I am SO happy for you!! Enjoy it and don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise