I turned 26 a month or so ago. And now that I’m closer to 30 than I am to 20, I’m feeling some kind of way about the behaviors I exhibit and my reactions to every day events. Somehow I feel like I’m supposed to be wiser, calmer, more she’s-got-her-life-together than I really am. Some days I wake up and I’m like, “Crap, I’m an adult? Like, really? Wasn’t I just leaving the spring dance in a huff after having yet another argument with my high school boyfriend?”
I don’t always feel 26, even though I don’t know what 26 is supposed to feel like. Although I’ll tell you, when I was 20, 21, I thought being 26 was the coolest age ever. When I was 20, juggling a newborn and college classes and job applications and wedding planning, I remember thinking, “My life might be crazy right now, but by the time I’m 26, all this madness will be worked out.”
And guess what? I’m 26 and the madness hasn’t been worked out. But I guess now I’m “wise” enough to know that the madness won’t ever be worked out. This is just life.
But going along with my 26th birthday, I told myself I would write a post, something for me to look back on as I turn 30, and then 35 and then 40, to see how my womanhood journey was going. Here’s what I got so far:
1) Stop comparing yourself to other women. I used to do this so often that I didn’t even notice it, especially when I was in my super-focused fitness mode. I would wish that I had Halle Berry’s boobs, Beyonce’s hips and butt, Kelly Rowland’s abs, and Michelle Obama’s arms. It was like I was some Frankenchick. But I realized that I have Tara’s boobs and Tara’s butt and Tara’s abs, and yes, Tara’s arms. My body is how I was meant to look. I can admire other women, yes, but I don’t have to wish I had what they had.
2) Stop thinking of comebacks way after the fact. I can never get my brain to be all snappy and witty when I’m in the middle of a conversation gone bad. Some idiot will approach me with my kids and say something stupid like, “Aren’t you a little young to have kids?” and I’ll stand there in a stupor, amazed that someone can be so dumb and so bold about it. They’ll walk away and I’ll spend the rest of the day thinking of comebacks. “Aw, man, I should have said, ‘Aren’t you a little old to be so stupid?’” But in the moment, I should have simply said, “How is that any of your business?” and kept on walking. My point here is to say something true about how you feel. That’s the best comeback and you don’t have to rack your brain trying to think of something.
3) Stop denying yourself the pleasure of your company. If I do say so myself, I’m kind of cool. I’m caring and considerate and I make a mean lemonade pound cake (from scratch, no recipe, thankyouverymuch). And on those days when my husband is doing something and my kids are with their Nana and Pop, I find myself alone with no clue what to do. I resist going to the movies or out to dinner because who wants to go by themselves? But you know what? I’m awesome and I can have fun by myself. I always have a running dialogue in my head anyway, so I’m pretty entertaining.
4) Stop making excuses for why something won’t work. It could be anything—why your new budget is unrealistic or why you just will never get along with your boss. Thinking about the “won’t work”s robs you of the chance to think about the “what if”s. Think positive. Expect positive results.
5) Stop putting yourself so far down the list that you have to flip the paper over to find your name. I can write this because it’s me. I’ve been there. I’m still there. I’ve gone months without shaving my legs or plucking my eyebrows or bothering to paint my nails. I regularly get three to four fewer hours of sleep than I need to function and about four days a week, I forget to eat breakfast…and lunch. How much does my body hate me? A lot, I think. But right now, I’m taking this youth for granted and it’s not fair. My body is not going to be able to take this abuse much longer. I need to get a regular exercise routine. Do something about these three gray hairs (yes, gray hairs…but that’s another post). Get to bed on time at least once each week. Treat Tara right for the simple fact that I’m all I have. Yes, I have other people who care about me, but at the same time, I’m the only one who has complete control over what I do and how I treat myself.
Do these resonate with you? Stay tuned for part two…
All of these are great! I need to stop doing like all of them too
. I get a lot of “oh, sp…you just stay at home all day??? Lucky, I have to actually work!” O.o
jess´s last [type] ..What I want to do…
Preach on the low of your list part. Preach!
Aisha G´s last [type] ..Clifford the Big Red Dog Live!!!
I’m not a mother but I can relate to this post! LOL *fistpump*
Oh yeah, I can relate all of these. Especially with the comeback after the fact. I’m always that person who just dumbfounded when someone says something silly to me. If I’m with my mom, then she does all the comebacks for me (so much that I have to pull her away).
Guess she does it so much, that I’m okay being the quiet one.
KalleyC´s last [type] ..Guest Posting Today at: Say What U Wanna
This is great! and by the time your 32 your list will be longer!
Love this Tara! : ) Especially the bit about pushing ourselves to the bottom of the to-do-list. I am now at the top of mine! woo! It feels great and I feel great and when I feel great I’m a much nicer Mummy, Wife, Friend etc to be around… I smile more, laugh more, turn a blind eye to things more and am generally able to meet everyone else’s needs with a positive attitude. Also can relate to the comebacks point! LOL! I wish we could still think about them and then rewind the situation – boom! ahaha
Mrs O´s last [type] ..If you show me how, then I can do it too!
OMG!!! I can’t believe I wrote that post for YML (without reading this one first) and it’s so closely related to this one. It’s really something to know that people (my peers) are going through the same things as me and thinking of the same things. It’s quite encouraging. Great minds think alike, T.
I used to think of comebacks after the fact ALL. THE. TIME. But I’ve gotten so much better with speaking in the moment. Maybe all those years of thinking of comebacks made me more witty… lol.
And ditto on spending time with yourself. I go to lunch alone. A lot. And I go to the movies alone too. And it’s some kind of awesome.
Alicia @Mommy Delicious´s last [type] ..Five Ways To Live A Full(er) Life
I am loving this post
Trina´s last [type] ..Super Bowl Sunday!!!
Great Post, though I’m so late getting to it. I really agree with number 1. I try hard not to compare myself to others but it is hard sometime.
Oh and yes Tara you are a fun person. I enjoyed hanging with you at blogalicious:-)
@Chasing-Joy – Yay! I had fun with you too!
Wise words and good advice for people of all ages!
Nice seeing you at #commenthour tonight!
Tui
Mental Mosaic´s last [type] ..Give Yourself a Permission Slip
Very good advice, I was a young mom and I wish there had been blogs like yours around when my girls were little. Thank you for all that you do.
Peace,
Morgan
Riding the Blog Hopping Train #commenthour
Morgan Dragonwillow (@MDragonwillow)´s last [type] ..Exciting Times – Row80 Check in 6
As a 40 yr old mother of 3, grandmother of 1 with a 2nd on the way… I totally understand the trying to figure out how you are “supposed” to be acting & what your life “should” be like at certain ages.
#commenthour
Mimzy Wimzy´s last [type] ..First Impressions
#5 is an issue I see with a lot of women. I think it is a societal thing. We are taught at a young age to sacrifice, but that isn’t appropriate for every situation. It is okay to put yourself first, and sometimes it is necessary.
Susan Silver´s last [type] ..5 Social Networks for Social Change