{YML Voices} More Than Milk

I had one too many guest posts to run last week (plus my blog was down on Monday so it threw me off completely). So I have a few more to sprinkle here and there so you’ll get hear some voices other than my own in the next week and a half. You’ll love it, I’m sure.

Today’s guest post topic: breastfeeding. Or rather, the decision to bottle fed. I feel like I need to post some type of disclaimer since tensions run HIGH these days whenever you mention “formula,” “breastfeeding was hard,” “baby bottles,” etc.

But since this is supposed to be a judgment-free zone (I really need to make a sign, spruce up the place a little), I invite all viewpoints. Everyone can have their say – just be respectful. :)

by Amber Wright

Right now my precious baby girl is sound asleep after having just had a warm bottle of milk that didn’t come from my breast. No big deal, right? Right. It’s hard to believe that just two weeks ago the thought of that happening was a VERY. BIG. DEAL.

After two weeks of giving it the old college try, I stopped breastfeeding my newborn. That decision was an agonizing one because I wanted so badly to do what my body was designed to do and feed my child. For after all, I’d read and heard so many times that ‘breast milk is the best milk.’ The benefits of breastfeeding reads like a list of “things I would do after I won the lottery.” In fact, you can even call breast milk liquid gold! Every mom should breastfeed, because, well…you have to and you’re a loser if you don’t (granted, no one actually said that to me, but it’s the subliminal message that’s preached in virtually every piece of literature out there on how you should feed your baby).

Eight years ago I had a breast reduction and in doing so, I essentially made the decision then to be okay with not being able to breastfeed. But then I got pregnant and suddenly found myself with this intense desire to breastfeed, which I hadn’t expected. All I could do was literally wait until after I gave birth to see if I would in fact be able to breastfeed successfully. Well lo and behold, my milk came in two days after I delivered. Eureka! I had my own pot of liquid gold. I was so happy.

But then reality set in after I got home from the hospital. Breastfeeding is hard. And painful! And my baby wanted it. A LOT. And pumping in between feedings caused my nipples to feel like they’d been caught up in a garbage disposal. On top of that my breasts started to become engorged which was a pain I had never known! I was hurting, stressed out, and beginning to have dreams of dancing bottles filled with formula. I agonized over what to do because I wanted to give up but felt an overwhelming sense of guilt for feeling that way. Essentially, though, I was in bad shape. The constant crying wasn’t good for me and certainly not for my baby. Something had to give.

Through the support of ‘my village’ I finally decided to try formula. I realized that doing what was best for my child included doing what was best for me too. And that, I felt, was switching to formula. For me, breastfeeding was just too hard and painful, and I was losing precious time enjoying my new baby because I was so distraught over the whole situation. In the end, I decided that although breast milk may be best, a happy, healthy mommy is better. My daughter deserves all of me, not just my milk. I am more than my milk!

I realized too, that when she’s my age, it won’t matter whether she was breast fed or not. Knowing that she had a mom that loved her is what will matter most. Plus, I was a formula-fed baby and I’ve got a master’s degree – so there!

Amber Wright, M.A. is a deliriously happy new mother of a special little girl and loving wife to a wonderful man. She invites you to visit her blog, The Yeyo Diaries, where you’ll experience the raw and lovely truth about motherhood.

Comments

  1. I remember when I breastfed my first son my nipples were extremely raw, sore, and on fire too. This was around the 2 week mark. I thought about giving up, but I spoke with my sister and mom, who assured me that this was normal and that it would pass. They were right. Just a few days later the soreness went away, and my nipples were suddenly able to tolerate the sucking. It wasn’t easy though.

    With the second baby there was no nipple soreness at all. I think it’s just a one time thing, as your nipples get accustomed to the newness.

    I hope if you try again (second child) it goes better for you.
    .-= Yakini´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday =-.

  2. I breastfed my son for 20 months, and experienced the opposite type of judgment: people thinking I was weird for doing it so long. Despite other people’s criticisms, though, we all learn that parenting is not a job for which we are periodically evaluated, but a process more complicated than cause-and-effect. It’s not as though breastfeeding leads to one particular outcome and formula feeding to another.

    Thanks for sharing. If you ever get down on yourself about your feeding decision again, remember that your initial statement is right: it’s no big deal. It will be good practice for all the other things you will feel guilty about in the future! (Since guilt is the theme of motherhood these days.) Your baby is happy and obviously has a caring mother. Keep on keepin’ on :)

  3. My baby is 2weeks old and I’m breast feeding, well should I day trying everyday I want t0 give up because it hurts s0 bad but I JUST CAN’T D0 IT!

  4. I understand where you come from…breastfeeding being hard…it is. I came from a breastfed family, my grandmother fed my aunts uncle, my mother brothers and I, aunts, my cousins…you get the picture. So breastfeeding my son was not an option. Though i knew i wanted to anyways. When my son was in the born he was in the NICU for 2 wks, he NEVER wanted to latch on….I cried all the time cause I wanted a special bond with him, and as much as I wanted to give up, I didn’t. lol. I’ve gotten crap from inlaws because I breastfeed,,,, but eh, I’m not giving up….my sons 21 months old and still eating “boo boo” lol.
    Like above, I hope you try again! It is an amazing experience!

  5. Great post! You’re absolutely right that parenting is more than a feeding choice. While breastfeeding may be a wonderful experience for many, it certainly isn’t that way for everyone!

  6. @ Yakini…I will definitely try again when we have our second child. I think mentally it will be a little easier because I’ll know what I’ll be facing. Your first time around you have no frame of reference. Love your blog, btw!

    @ Chelsea…Thank you! The baby is 6 weeks old now, so I am feeling much better about the decision. In those first few days it was gut wrenching, though! Ultimately I’m glad I moved on so that I can really enjoy her and fully experience the joy a new baby brings.

    @ Kim…it seems that the 2 week mark is a major turning point. Some of us make it past it, some of us don’t, but either way – I’m sure you’re doing your best!

    @ Malorie…isn’t it crazy how no matter which route you take people will have something to say? LOL Congrats on your success with breastfeeding your little one.

    @ Michelle…thank you! Very well said!
    .-= Amber´s last blog ..Suds and Sobs =-.

  7. I appreciate your point of view here. My husband and I don’t have kids yet, but everything I read seems to criticize women who choose formula. I don’t plan on breastfeeding. And I don’t see what the big deal is. Either way, love and good parenting is what will matter the most.

  8. cynthia morley says:

    Oh amber I’m with u all the way and every thing u said was so true u gave me such a flash back and now my son marquis is 7 years old god bless you amber and ur family. Wow..wow.wow.wow lol

  9. Thank You for this POST!!!!! I am 6 months pregnant and my midwife (who is childless) KEEPS PUSHING ME TO BREASTFEED I mean PUSHING. I didn’t breastfeed my son and he is perfectly fine and very intelligent.

    She’s trying to sing me up for breastfeeding classes etc. I simply don’t think I’ll have the time or energy to breastfeed or pump.

    I can appreciate your experience and honesty. It was just what I needed to read!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!! I’m bottle feeding again I’m going to let her know next time I see her I’ve made up my mind.

    • I’m sorry to hear that your midwife is imposing on you. We had a doula and was she extremely supportive of every decision we made during my pregnancy, the birth, and post partum. As I wrote, I wanted to breast feed (I’m definitely ‘for’ all of its benefits) but when I made the decision to stop, she was understanding, which meant a lot to me. Hopefully after you talk to her about how you feel she’ll ease up on the matter. Good luck to you as you enter your final trimester!
      .-= Amber´s last blog ..A Parent’s Job Description =-.

  10. Great Post! I touched on this a little bit on a blog I wrote about things I wish I’d known before pregnancy/childbirth. You’re right, breastfeeding IS hard and we are led to believe otherwise. In my experience it was nothing like the commercials/books/magazines had me thinking.

    It’s hard for a lot of reasons, especially if you’re a working mom or if you have other kids. I breastfed my 1st for 6 months (but I pumped the milk and gave it to him in a bottle!) , then I left for a deployment. I didn’t do my 2nd b/c she was born early and was in a hospital that was 4 hrs away from us. I gave it another try w/ my 3rd, but that was short-lived b/c it was hard to breastfeed around the clock, w/ 3 kids after having a c-section!

    I don’t judge anyone on their choice to breastfeed or not. As long as the baby is eating, is it really THAT big of a deal? I think not. Although I do think breastfed babies are less prone to get sick, still…u can only do what you can do.
    .-= Erica´s last blog ..Something I’m addicted to =-.

  11. I am, well was, a breastfeeding mom and yes it is hard. As much as I wish you could have continued I TOTALLY agree with your statement “a happy, healthy mommy is better.” A happy mom makes for a happy baby. Whether or not to breastfeed (and for how long) is such a personal decision and you did what was best for your family.

    • @Rae – I breastfed my daughter for six months and my son for three months (until I went back to work). With my daughter, it was hard to get the hang of it and I struggled with it so much that I completely missed out on the joy of motherhood. I was so beat down by the adjustment that I wasn’t focused on bonding. I didn’t really like breastfeeding for that reason, but other women say it’s the closest they’ve ever felt to another human.

      • I breastfed for about 9 months while supplementing at the same time. (That’s a different discussion all together.) I lucked out with a job that’s supportive of nursing moms and has a dedicated area for pumping. Without that, I wouldn’t have been able to continue when I went back to work at 8 weeks. I really did enjoy the bonding time but I don’t believe that one way of bonding is better than another. Whatever works for the mother and child and keeps them in harmony.
        .-= Rae @ Rainbows and Dragonflies´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday – Brush My Teeth =-.

  12. Can I just say (again) that I LOVE The Young Mommy Life??!!! Thank you all for your kind and encouraging words! I salute Tara for creating such a warm and inviting space where we mommies can come and share our experiences from all across the country! This has made my week! Love & Hugs to you all.
    .-= Amber´s last blog ..Suds and Sobs =-.

  13. Great post! I breastfeed all three of mine..It was hard, demanding but I (and them ) gained so much from it… However it is a decision completely up to the mother.

  14. I am a breastfeeding mom but it has not been an easy journey. I breastfed my son (now 2) for 1 year but my milk took a really long time to come in after bringing him home from the hospital. Everyone had something to say about it and they made me feel inadequate. I got questions like, “did you drink ice water when you were in the hospital because you should only drink warm things to keep the milk flowing”. Anyway, I ended up supplementing with formula for a couple of weeks until I was comfortable with the milk supply. I just had my second baby and I had to do the same thing. Nonetheless, it was way easier this time around because I knew what to expect. Breastfeeding has been a great bonding experience and it has been great for my pockets, formula is so freakin’ expensive!

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