Over the past two weeks or so, my life has been downright stressful. Crazy. Hectic. My kids have been eating Wendy’s more often than I care to admit, my house needs a good solid cleaning, I’m waaaay behind on reading for class, my bank account is looking pretty pathetic and I can’t seem to get enough sleep for me to be fully functional during the day.
But for the first time, I’ve been able to push all the rest of the craziness aside and simply focus on the two angels in my life.
Usually, when I get stressed, I’m a bad mother. I get angry and I take it out on them. Because they’re kids. They’re loud. They (usually) don’t listen but instead move according to their whims and not mine. This makes them easy targets.
But this time, when I felt my life spiraling out of my control, I was able to look at them through the eyes of a woman who has gotten 10+ hours of sleep and a decent meal that she was able to sit down and enjoy and savor.
My kids are wonderful. I actually know this. Like deep down if you scratched my soul, there’d be “I love my babies” etched on my heart. I love these kids more than air. Like my mother always said, I would take a bullet between the eyes for those two with no hesitation.
I love the way my daughter pushes her plate away after dinner and declares she’s ready for an “after-meal treat,” when every other little kid calls it “dessert.” I love the way my son does his “Hot damn, I’m getting food!” dance whenever I call him to the table. I love the way my son wakes his sister up every morning – “Wakey, wakey, Yaya,” he coos – and the way they hug each other goodnight.
I even love the way they fight in the backseat and leave Cheerios and other assorted crumbs on the floor of my car. I freakin’ love those two.
Lately I’ve been feeling like grad school was a bad decision, like this was not the best time to embark on a serious academic journey when I have so much going on. When my kids need me so much. I rationalized it by saying that getting a Master’s is a goal of mine, and if not now, when? I want my kids to be proud of me, just like I am already so proud of them.
I make my life much harder than it needs to be, because I want to make life better for them. God, I hope they read my blog when they’re older and they find this post and it makes them smile. There is only one reason why I stay up late, working so hard, getting no sleep, going going going until I feel like I’m on the verge of something huge. It’s for them.
Babies, this is for you.
What a superbly written and heartfelt post! Your babies are blessed to have you. All the sacrifices will be worth it.
They are so beautiful!!!! I know that when they are older they will really appreciate all the sacrifices you’ve made for them, and know its all because you love them.
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What a lovely post! You are a wonderful mother for doing all you do. Your kids will appreciate it and it will all be worth it in the end
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I love posts like this. It’s nice to reflect on what’s important. They will read this when they get ‘big’ and thank you for all the wonderful things you have done as their mommy!
Your babies ALREADY know that you love them. And when they get older, they’ll realize even more — day after day. Grad school was the right decision b/c it’ll allow you to move forward with your career. It’s the right decision b/c it’ll benefit both you AND them in the long run. It’s just 2 years and you’ll be able to push through this — and MAKE it the right decision.
Kudos to you for pushing pass that “bad mommy” feeling and just loving your babies. It’s hard to do that when life gets out of control so I applaud you. In the long run, the laundry won’t matter, the messy house won’t matter as much either. BUt the fact that mommy loves them and enjoys them even in the midst of it all will matter. A lot.
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I have officially shed a tear, because I feel the sameway at this very moment. Tugged from every which way, frustrated from day to day stressors and the little one is an easy target. But when Im able to reflect all that I do and go through is because I want the best for him.
Love it! Right now Im rolling with one. My Plate isnt nearly as full as yours but I can see how easily it could be! Thanks for sharing!
& great job on the 10 hours of sleep.. the last time I did that wassss? hmmm? 199?
xoxoxo
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I feel exactly the same way about me going to school with such a young child.
I absolutely love this post. Tara, you are such an awesome mom and your kids will love this post.
If Ma took the time to write a blog, this is EXACTLY, word for word what’d she say. You’re an excellent mother and I’m proud to say you’re my big sis :O).
Love this post, and feel you to tha bone<3 My little girl is 3 months old, and married 3 years, and now I feel as though I HAVE to sacrifice and push forward for her, and the other children we may have. Before, I had motivation, but now it's as if I will 'die tryin' (old Tupac song?) I want to be proud of my life, but I also want my daughter and future children to be proud of their mother, and inspired by my pursuits.
Thank you for this post!