Guest post: Becoming a compotent mother

Today’s guest post is from Alicia, blogger at MomDelicious, mommy of Aiden, and my BFF-in-the-head (alright,  I admit, I just want to be her when I grow up).

It’s sad to say that I don’t even remember how I “met” Alicia but she’s occupied a cozy place in my life for a little while now. Whenever I kick back and visit her blog, more often than not I find myself nodding in agreement, laughing out loud or some combination of the two. I know I say it about every one, but she’s truly awesome.

Check out her post on, as she puts it, how she was “kidnapped into motherhood”:  

“Birth is not only about making babies. Birth is about making mothers — strong, competent, capable mothers who trust themselves and know their inner strength.”   — Barbara Katz Rothman

This was the quote that my friend attached to the favors for the baby shower that she and my sister held for me.  It’s so powerful and speaks volumes to me.

I’ll never forget the day I gave birth to my beautiful son, Aiden. As the nurse wheeled me from the delivery room to my recovery room, I felt overwhelmed with emotions. As the tears fell, I thought, I’d just pushed a 7 lbs 9 oz baby out of me sans medicine, but does that mean I’m competent?

I’ve always had to adapt to create and re-create the life that I want for my son and me. From being in a relationship, to being a single mom to trying one more time with his dad to make a family work (hey, you always have to give it one more try, right?) and now back on my way to being a single mom… I’ve constantly had to learn to do something different… to adapt.

So here I was this 20-something year old single NYC gal fresh out of college, trying to live-it-up and get my amazing on… when I found myself pregnant.  BAM!  Kidnapped into motherhood.

Stunned, shocked, confused, scared…. eh…. terrified. What about my life? What about my plans for graduate school? What about traveling? What about my church family….

Shunned by my church family, sorta the only family that I had known since I was an adolescent, because of my “mistake,” I was left feeling like what should I do?

And let me tell ya’ll, it wasn’t pretty. At all.

I cried for months — months! — both during my pregnancy AND after my precious baby born was born. I should have been rejoicing, but instead I felt like I’d hit rock bottom. I was in an emotional hole so deep… It was such a low and depressing time for me.

After I’d crashed and reached the lowest of lows, the way I saw it was that I had two choices. I could stay in that depressed state forever. OR… I could pick myself up, dust myself off, and learn the ropes of motherhood.
And because I loved myself and because I loved my son THAT much, I decided that I needed to learn a new lifestyle. After all, I was a new person and had a new lifestyle so I had to adapt to it — design a new pathway to get my son and me where I wanted us to go in life.

What ABOUT grad school? Well, I just had to figure out how to make grad school fit into motherhood. It took a little longer than I originally planned, but I DID it. What ABOUT traveling? Well, I just had to figure out how to fit traveling into motherhood and travel with my son. What ABOUT my free time, my “me” time, my SHOES?! I’ve had to learn to pencil in some much-needed mommy time, and the shoes… well I still miss being able to buy me a gorgeous, divalicious pair of stilettos every now and then, but hey…

Point is, I was already on a path and that’s the way I thought it was supposed to be. But during pregnancy as my belly and bra size grew and then shrank again after pregnancy, I learned to design a new pathway for myself. And my son.

I’ve adapted.  And I’m constantly adapting, figuring out the logistics and nuts and bolts of motherhood… for myself. And for my son.

And I like this life better. It’s the best of both worlds. The golden twenties, ya’ll. And it only gets better.


  1. Tatiana Henderson says:

    I always was very excited about turning 21 and entering young adulthood. I’d be able to work, go to school, party, drink and not have to worry about limitations set by my parents. The whole idea of entering this new stage of life wad just so thrilling. At 19 I got the news that I wad pregnant. Part of me wad happy because I was in love, part of me was sad because my life was now over. After I had my daughter I was so happy. I was now in full mommy mode…….. for a year in a half. After that I began to feel trapped and robbed of everything I looked forward too. I too became a single mother which made things even harder on me. But I am learning how to find time for everything. Like you so beautifully put it Alicia I am adapting, and I will continue to do so. I seriously love your blog. Its funny, interesting and most importantly I can relate to almost everything you are writing.

  2. Love how you are so real and raw in all of your posts. You are so right about motherhood being one big adjustment period. A lot of young girls look at unexpected pregnancies as a death sentence, but I looked at mine as a chance to shape a life and an opportunity to better mine in the process.

    I don’t ever have regrets about having Moo. That little girl has made me such a more humble and appreciative person. I can truly say that before I didn’t really have a reason to get up but now I jump to get out of bed and see her beautiful smile, her big brown eyes and hear her little footsteps pattering on the floor.
    .-= YUMMommy´s last blog ..Fashion Find- Huge Wonder =-.

  3. Al,
    That is deep! Really has got me thinking…not a mummy yet but as you know I really want to be, and One thing I realised is I’m good at adapting. I’ve done it all my life through countless moves. So I feel it is time to enjoy the thrill of following my heart rather than the fear of the unknown. I’m presently reading a book called Life After Birth by Kate Figes. It is a raw look into becoming mum, no sugarcoating. Scared me at first but hey, The heart wants what the heart wants. I want to be a competent mum!
    .-= Lucy´s last blog ..Operation TTC =-.

  4. I like the post, I admire your honesty!

  5. Ms. Prince says:

    Great article and much need honesty. I was 19 when I had my first son and he’s 8 now. I am constantly learning to adapt, grow and be the mother I want to be. I look at life so differently now and only want the best for younger mothers. It’s true some look at it as a death sentence but it is so much more. Things were brought into prospective when an older woman told me how blessed I was because she couldn’t have children but regardless of the circumstances surrounding the pregnancy I could. At that moment I realized children come when they are supposed to and that God makes no mistakes.

  6. WOW! Thanks for all the comments and support lovelies!

    And thanks to YML for affording me the opportunity to write a guest post.

    @Tatianna: adjusting again and again is totally difficult, but I think motherhood — especially young motherhood — is one big transition over and over again. It always test us and we always prove strong. That’s what I love so much about young mommies :)

    @YUMM: yes, some ladies see it as a death sentence, but learning to find a balance between motherhood and womanhood is what turns it into a life sentence.

    @lucy: yes you can and will adapt…over and over again!

    @Ms. Prince: seeing first hand older women who wanted so badly to concieve but wasn’t able to made me realize how MUCH of a blessing my kid is. It’s true, they come when they’re suppossed to come — regardless of the circumstance.

  7. I wanted to thank you so much for this fantastic read!! I definitely enjoying every little bit of it.I have you saved as a favorite to check out new stuff you blog post.