I gotta do better (steps to a better me)

I’ve been living in a constant state of stress since 2006.

I freak out about everything and it seems like I can’t make it through the day without getting overwhelmed.

But it stops now. Life isn’t meant to be super-stressful all the time. It’s meant to be enjoyed and lived to the fullest. I love my kids and I love my husband and although things can pile up at times, I need to be more in control of my feelings.

I decided to write down my triggers, those little things that happen and inevitably make me feel like screaming for some relief. I figure if I know what my triggers are, I’ll be able to work around them and make it to bedtime without being exhausted and at my wits’ end.

My list looks a little like this (please tell me I’m not alone!):

When I’m overly tired

When the kids are too loud

When my husband is relaxing (lol)

When I know I’m going to bed late

When I have a big deadline at work

When my bank account is low or I get hit with an overdraft fee or something stupid

When I have a plan for the whole day and by 8:30 a.m., it’s shot to shit.

For the most part, I think I can handle these.

When I’m overly¬†tired – Take my butt to bed

When the kids are too loud – Calmly tell them to quiet down, leave the area if I need to

When my husband is relaxing (lol) – Take time to relax myself

When I know I’m going to bed late – Take my butt to bed

When I have a big deadline at work – Take a mental health day if it’s getting too stressful

When my bank account is low or I get hit with an overdraft fee or something stupid – Set up automatic bill pay and monitor my bank account daily.

When I have a plan for the whole day and by 8:30 a.m., it’s shot to shit. – Quit trying to plan the whole day because things inevitably change. I just gotta learn to go with the flow.

Crazy how long it’s taken me to get to this point. But I’ll tell you what, therapy is incredibly helpful in this regard. It’s helping me see why I react the way I react (I suffer from a classic case of “Gotta control everything all the time”) and giving me ways to adjust my behavior in order to get the end result I want. I’m loving it.


  1. This is wonderful! I will try it!

  2. WOW! Your list is JUST like mine!
    Except…”When I have a big deadline at work”….. Sometimes I realize that I have SOOO much to do, i sike myself into thinking that its ok to give up before I even started… just because I rather not deal with the stress… You are not alone…

  3. Danielle C says:

    I am Right there with you on your list . My only thing when your husband relaxes you say you will do the same… I find there is ALWAYS something to do or things that need to get done… Do you just make that wait?

  4. You are most definitely not alone!
    I get stressed out very easily when I realize that I have a million and one things to do, little time to do them, and there’s so much to be done that I can’t even remember half of it.
    My solution?
    Make a priority list. Write everything down that needs to get done in order of priority(as I remember or think of everything), and check it off as it gets done.
    I feel so accomplished at the end of the day, having my priorities laid out in front of me, and not stressing over forgetting something important.

  5. Tara, we are >here< when it comes to this list. LOL. But since I've added grad school to my list this past year (and you will too come end of August), I get even more stressed around midterms, finals, and long ass 20 page papers. I remember at the end of spring semester (I was taking 5 classes!), I had four papers to write: two 20 pgs, one 25, one 15. I was soooo stressed and my triggers added to it all the time, girl!!

    And then I would see my son's dad sitting there relaxing and I would want to scream!!! I was tired too, gosh darnit!

    But therapy has also helped me a lot with stuff like that and I've learned that I have to take it easy at times. Aiden doesn't want a super stressed mommy!

    Great list, girl :)

  6. Lakisha Jones says:

    Whow!!! Reading this was really awesome for me! It let’s me know that I am not alone!! And great tips on how to deal with stress!! I’m praying for change!!

  7. you are definitely not alone. I think taking a mental health day now and then can help me be more productive at work overall. One thing I’ve learned from where I work is that banks now have to let you opt out of their overdraft systems, which means they set it up so if you use your debit card without having enough money to cover it, it is declined. – even if its a little embarrassing or inconvenient, at least you don’t have to pay any fee. They used to run everything through automatically, but the feds made them stop.