I’m in the midst of a quarterlife crisis.
Earlier this week, my husband was talking to me about buying my daughter a new twin bed, to upgrade from the toddler bed. The plan would be for my son to move from the crib to the toddler bed.
The new bed and mattress is going to cost at least $500. That’s if we get it from Wal-Mart. Then, my son in a toddler bed? Where he can get out? I’m not feeling this.
My husband keeps pushing for her to get a new bed because we had discussed it months ago, thinking that we would use the money from our refund check to purchase it.
Well, that was then. Now I’m heading back to graduate school. Graduate school costs money and the books don’t come cheap. I want to limit “nonessential” purchases, at least until I get my textbooks and find out what fees I owe.
I told him this.
“But we said we would buy her the bed…” he said.
Why was it difficult to put MY needs first? It makes perfect sense. Do we use $500 to buy her a bed she doesn’t need, or use the money for me to buy textbooks? It’s a no-brainer. But I still felt bad about it.
I have never gotten to put myself completely first. I have never blown a whole paycheck on a cute outfit or racked up credit card debt on a trip to the Bahamas. I can’t DO stuff like that. I have to be RESPONSIBLE. I have to be a mommy and look out for the well-being of my kids at all times like my life depends on it.
But who is looking out for MY well-being? Who is watching out for me? Who is telling me, “You’ve been super-stressed at work lately. You should take a bubble bath and relax.”
I take care of everyone who asks and even some who don’t because I believe that if I had it (whether that “it” is money, time or energy) then you have it. I do my best to make sure everyone has a great day and gets the most out of it. But rarely is that focus placed on me.
I’m on a quest to discover ME. To find out what I like and what makes me happy. Of course, my husband makes me happy and my kids make me happy, but what else? What makes ME happy?
I hate when people ask how I’m doing and I immediately talk about my kids. “Oh, well, Thomas is almost 2 and Ayanna knows her address….” They didn’t ask about my kids – they asked about me!
I want to blab about myself for once. I am putting ME first, come hell or high water.
Good for you, girl! Because if we don’t put ourselves first….. who will?!!
Good for you! If mom’s burnt out then the family can’t run properly.
.-= Jonesie´s last blog ..Mommy Lifesavers =-.
Girl I feel you, I’ve been going through the same things lately. But thanks to God I was able to come up with a solution; I’ve always wanted to be in the fashion world in some capacity. But it seemed vitually impossible, because of my responsibilites as a mother. So I deceided that if I can’t do it the conventional way, I’ll just make my own path. So look out for GlamBetty, my t-shirt and accessories line. It’s my outlet and a way to make some extra money. Keep you head up, and please make time for you; if you don’t how can you have it to give to your children or your man. You’re IMPORTANT TOO, never forget that!!!!!
AMEN!! Mommy’s NEVER put themselves first. I think of how many times i’ve been in a clothing store where I have started out picking up stuff for me. BUT by the time I am finished, i’ve picked up things for the kids and my husband and put MY STUFF back! I now have to avoid the kids side at all cost (when they don’t need anything
).
I have tried that for so many years but I end up right where I am. I have accepted it and honestly, I am happy with the way it is. My husband MAKES me take breaks and do things for myself so I still have that ME time. Otherwise, I am mom/wife 24/7.
.-= Sheliza´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday I ? these girls! =-.
@Sheliza – Yeah, you seem like you’re happy with where you are. I just want to feel like I give enough for myself. I wash my husband and kids’ clothes first, then wonder why it takes me 30 extra minutes to figure out what to wear in the morning, because my clothes are still in the dryer. I never put the AC on in the car or the house if it’s just me, and then I end up a hot sweaty mess with a heat headache. Like the issue with the beds. There’s NO reason why I should feel bad about making that choice. But I did. So it makes me think that something needs to change. Being a mom and wife 24/7 drives me crazy – I won’t lie.
Hey Tara,
Remember what your talking about here. It’s a journey. It will take time to realize that you have to be first at all times. So, at least pat yourself on the back for realizing that you come first. Seek support outlets too. I joined a local Mom’s group. And these women do not hesitate when it comes to putting themselves first. And they make their husbands apart of that journey.
Remember what your talking about here. It’s a journey. It will take time to realize that you have to be first at all times. So, at least pat yourself on the back for realizing that you come first. Seek support outlets too. I joined a local Mom’s group. And these women do not hesitate when it comes to putting themselves first. And they make their husbands apart of that journey.
Take time for yourself…it is VERY necessary. I have a sister who takes A LOT of time for herself. At first I frowned up it until we talked and she told me…”When everyone has all that they need and most of what they want, it’s time to start working on you.” Now that’s not putting you first per se but it is taking some time out for you. I like what DianaChristina said about this being a journey. We have to breathe for our own santity.
I completely agree! I often struggle between putting myself first and still being a good wife/mother. I am constantly seeking that balance between keeping my “sense of self” and maintaining my household. There are days when I question, “Who am I? Am I a fashion blogger; Am I a soccer mom/teacher; or Am I completely losing my mind!” I’ve just chalked it up to the fact that I am all of those things and sometimes it’s okay to feel like I really want to hang out with my friends or today, I’m going to get a manicure/pedicure/and (yes and…lol) eyebrow arch! I just try to remind myself that everything gets easier with time and eventually I will figure everything out and be able to find a happy marriage between my “sense of self” and maintaining my household. Even right now, I sacrificed a company paid trip with my husband because my son’s daycare was closed this week…so sometimes, it is what it is…
@K West – Girl, can I co-sign on everything you just said? Because…yeah. Totally agree!