Ok, I’ll admit it. *looking around to see who’s within earshot*
All you 30something moms – I’m jealous.
Not completely jealous but just a little, “Man, it must be nice…” jealousy that never hurt anyone.
One of my friends had a baby this past weekend. She’s older than me, happily married for five or so years, had a pretty smooth pregnancy. She researched everything, got the best crib, had friends who gave her the rest of the things she needed for her nursery.
From the outside looking in, everything looks perfect. I wish I had the bank account she does, or the loving husband she does, or the big, beautiful house she does to bring the baby home to. You’ve probably heard the story how I brought my daughter home to a college dorm room. We had no savings. I cried after getting the hospital bill – a whopping $27,000 for the six day stay in the hospital for both of us after complications during labor. Our “apartment” was so small I could vacuum the entire place from one outlet.
I remember entire weeks where my depression was just…bad. I’d cry at the drop of a hat and daydream about what it would be like to be a mom later. I loved my daughter but just…not now. I wanted to be more established.
But I also know that there are plenty benefits to how my life turned out. Because I had my kids so young, they get a front-row seat to all my accomplishments. They see me working late, they see us gradually moving into a bigger and bigger place. They see the tears over projects that don’t go well. They help me study.
By the time they get to be the age I was when I had them, (20 and 22, respectively) we will have done this together.
Together. And there is nothing sweeter to me in the this whole world.
I was 20 when I had my son too. Without him I could never had achieved all that I have. He was and still is my best inspiration!
.-= Lindsay´s last blog ..Faith- Hope- and Love =-.
I was 19 when I had my first child and I was soooo broke! I worked 7 days per week and went to school 6 days per week.I was miserable but my new daughter made me smile and had a way of making everything better:) Now that she is in elementary school I sometimes feel the pressure of having her so young. Most of her friends parents are a LOT more financially stable and can do things that my husband and I cannot do for our daughter but she is definitely NOT affected by it and she is a very happy child and she is grateful for every blessing she receives. What she doesnt know is that she is the greatest blessing I’ve ever received!!!
Man I SO hear you on this! I’ll look at what 30something moms have – homes, careers, jobs, MONEY & feel so envious. Hells, I know a mom my age who landed a rich older guy & already has her own house in the suburbs & drives a hummer! I get soo jealous [in the harmless way]. I want to have our own place, our own home, and to have jobs that bank away tons of money for family trips & indulgences.
But you’re right! We’re doing this together, and that’s special. It’ll teach Nolan that its good to work for what you want.
{I sorta did a post on goals a few days ago, which kind walks hand and hand with that}
You are brave and amazing and inspiring. I love this post. Proud of you for being so open and honest.
I often wish I’d been younger when I’d had my twins. Perhaps I’d have had more energy. Perhaps I’d be a “cooler” mom. I’ll always wonder about the “What if’s.” If we hadn’t had trouble conceiving, I’d have had a baby at about 26, which I know is still a lot older than you were, but still….
Thank you for sharing this!
HUGS!
.-= erin´s last blog ..The Ritual of Relaxation is Foreign to Me or- Stolen Moments =-.
I can say I have had the best of both worlds…I had my first son when I was 20, still in college and broke. I struggled to complete school, and locate a job and keep the lights on in our little one bedroom apartment for about 5 years. Then I met my husband we decided not to have any other children until we were well established…So now in my 30s I have had two more sons and got married, bought the house, the dog and the car… And can really appreciate my life a lot better.
But sometimes, what looks all good for a woman in her thirties, is not it’s all cracked up to be, everyone has issues. Sometimes my little jealousy eye appears and I wish I was still in my twenties with my one child in our little apartment, struggling, for some reason I had so much more fun and freedom then
Think about it this way – when you’re 50 and 55 you may have the house to yourself again. Those of us who are having kids later (#2 on the way for me, I turn 34 Monday) will still have kids in high school, with college still years away! That makes ME sad sometimes! Either way, our kids love us and all that we sacrifice for them. They will understand why things had to be the way they were while growing up, and I’m sure the little things you do for your kids mean that much more to them than anything else!
I have to admit I can only imagine how different my life would have been had I had children when I was in my early 20’s. But, we didn’t have a big house or a ton of money when my first was born even though I was 29 so I can ‘kinda’ relate.
I love how you talk about the wonderful positive points of having them earlier in your life. Nice blog and lovely post.
p.s. Erin from The Motherload sent me over from twitter.
Elaine
.-= Elaine´s last blog ..How I Birthed and Fed My Babies- Judge Me NOT =-.
The grass IS always greener, eh? I am a 30 something mom and I want the energy you all have to do this thang! Babies are exhausting! I would love to have the energy to run around with my kids like young mommies do. I was at a young mommy’s wedding a couple weeks ago, and the bride, 27, was dancing with her 7 year old daughter. Her daughter was singing along with the music (some house music song) and having a ball. I leaned over to another 30s mom and said “there is the difference between young moms like her and older ones like us – her kids listen to her music, we listen to our kid’s music.”
I was 21, when I got pregnant with my son. I had him about a month after I turned 22. I’m 33 and mami to 3 kids now. My oldest is 11, then I have a 6 year old and a soon to be 3 year old. I know exactly what you mean. When I was pregnant with my son, I dropped out of college and found a full time job to support the baby and I. I only had 1 person ever say congratulations to me on the pregnancy (my then boss). Everyone else just wanted to ask whether I was gonna keep it. Although the path that I chose was not an easy one, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I wouldn’t be the person that I am today without my kids. I wouldn’t be so rich in love.
.-= Aimee Leon-Ortega´s last blog ..Love on a Plane =-.
Far too often, as young mothers, we try to suppress certain feelings about being a young mother. I read this and it brought tears to my eyes. I can absolutely relate and understand how you feel.
Be encouraged – people like me – (in my late 20s with no children and dreading the idea of PTAs in my 40s) are very jealous of you!
Having children at a young age I can only imagine is a struggle initially, but think about it, when you are 36 you will have fairly independent children and the flexability to start a whole new career if you want to. You will be young with life experiences that prove you can do anything.
Hello, I saw you over on Moms of Hue-I’m one of the writers, thanks for stopping in and weighing in on Finding Beauty in Imperfection.
I gave birth to our first child at 18 as a junior in college living in NYC. I doubt my apartment was much larger than yours, and what is this vacuum you speak of?! Anyway, I just wanted to say, I hear you and I understand. Now at 37 (in just a few days) we have the house the car the yard AND we have that marker in our lives to compare how far this family has come and grown and evolved. The same things that embarassed me have become Karate Kid-esque lessons in overcoming obstacles and staying the course. Good luck to you and your family.
.-= T.Allen-Mercado´s last blog ..One Week From Today =-.
Thank you for posting this. It’s nice to know I’m not alone! I love my son with all my heart and if I REALLY had the opportunity to change things, I would not change him for anything. But sometimes I feel like I wish I would have waited, not because I don’t want my son, but because of all the really hard struggles. It’s hard to just keep your lights on sometimes! Ok, most of the time. But you’re still right, at the end of the day, I have my son and that’s really all that I could ask for.
.-= Erica & Pinot Grigio´s last blog ..I am woman- hear me whimper like a little bitch =-.
I thought after reading this post that it is important to save money in your 20s in order to be in a good financial place in your 30s. Hang in there. It gets a lot better.
What a sweet way to end – there really is something special about growing with your children. They get to witness you do extraordinary things despite difficult circumstances and they will undoubtedly be more successful because of it! My mom started at 19 and my brothers and I watched her go through college and grad school! I was 16 at her college graduation and I knew nothing in life was insurmountable. God willing – your youth will give you all the more time to enjoy your children.
.-= Tiara´s last blog ..Isaiah- No Swiping- =-.
I had my son at 24, he’s 8 now…but I was among the first of my close friends to have a baby, and we didn’t know many 30somethings. So here I am now, a “30-something” and I am both happy that I had my son in my 20s and also wish that I had waited a little longer.
I definitely feel you on this though – I’ve been on both sides.
.-= Eboni´s last blog ..Sister Sister- 3 Cheese Macaroni-BBQ Chicken -amp Greens =-.
I totally agree with this post. I dont really care about the nice house, nice car, stable job thing. BUT I do believe there is a certain stability within the household at an older age. My husband and I are 24 and to to sum up our lives together would be to reemphasize the well known point that men mature more slowly than women. Yes, financially we are struggling. But, I can handle it. Unfortunately, I deal with temper tantrums from him about it which makes me envy those who are more established because they dont have to deal with the antics of a 24 year old husband. Ok, Im ranting. SOrry. lol
Just know, I can relate. Great post.
.-= Arnetta Gordon´s last blog ..PROUD SISTER of this AMAZING young man- =-.
As you know, I was 17, 18, 19, 22, and 25 when I had my kids. They are now 10, 8, 7, 4, and 2. I’m 27. I dropped out of high school and stayed out for 2 years before getting my GED and going to college. They’ve struggled with us, and when it all comes to pass, they’ll experience high tide with us as well. My husband and I have been together since high school and have seen some bumpy roads, all very much worth while. We brought our oldest daughter home to a tiny little trailer which we paid $260 a month for at a time when my husband was working part time and bringing home not even $600 a month. I think the most important thing is not where you start but where you finish. Our kids make us want more – they make improving ourselves a necessity and for that I am SO grateful.
.-= Kat @ For the Love of Chaos´s last blog ..WORDLESS WEDNESDAY- Vote – Which Song For American Idol =-.
As a mommy turning 30 this year, I wish I had the lifestyle that you fantasize about. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be and trust me the road gets easier. I have the husband, career, house and car and things are still hard. I wish I had the energy of a young mommy and the chance for my child to see more of my struggles.
I was doing a search to research “jealous of younger mothers” (lol). I am on the opposite end of the spectrum as you…I am now 40 with a 2 year old son. I did not get married until I was almost 37 (the first time for both of us) and we immediately got pregnant and all of my dreams came true.
However, every day I mourn the loss of my twenties and thirties (that were no picnic for me being single or going through break up after break up) and so wish I could have been blessed with this life then. I fear I won’t have enough time with my child or husband and that it is too late to even consider having another one.
Yes, I had a 16 year career after college (that I really did not enjoy) and we are more financially stable, but my heart aches for those lost years and I find myself secretly jealous of everyone that got blessed with a baby early on in life. I know it isn’t easy being young with a baby, but do know that this is your path and it is going to be wonderful…
@Debbie – A classic case of the grass is always greener, huh?
Glad you found this post.
I think we make the most of life whatever age we are. I can think of a ton of pros to having kids later in life and for the first time, I can think of pros to having kids earlier. So it evens out. I can tell you are a great mom and you’re doing the best you can.
Oh, I want to cry!
@Arlice – Let it out, girl. LOL
Trust me, being a thirtysomething does not necessarily mean those financial thing or relationship things are in place. I’m 32, pregnant and after clawing my way firmly to the middle of the business side of Hollywood and then being downsized with the mergers I and divorced, I have none of those things. What I do have though and this is the thing that really matters, I have had years of growth. Years of things going my way and things not going my way and seeing what other people have done and not done that is really the thing about being a thirtysomething mom that is useful.
@A – Thank you for sharing your experiences. It makes us all wiser and less prone to judge! Best of luck on the pregnancy and the new baby!
I am so glad that you tweeted this post out today! It reflects my feelings perfectly. I sometimes wonder if my daughter will notice that our apartment is smaller than those we go on play dates to, or wonder why so much of her stuff is hand me downs from my half sister. Will she be behind when she starts school because we can’t afford those fancy baby music classes or a private preschool? I know a lot of those things sound silly, but it is truly wonderful to know that I am not the only one feeling that way.
Thanks for helping me remember that there is a silver lining to this cloud!
I stumbled across this post this morning while doing my daily ‘Twitter Glance’! *as I call it!* Wow! The comments are pretty interesting! I have had the luxury of living on both sides of the spectrum. I had my first child when I was 17 (soon to be senior in HS). Of course, the initial reaction from most ppl was that I should give her up! I pressed on and did what I had to do to make it work! It was difficult, especially having a child in my teens while the other moms that I encountered were much older & appeared to be more established!
On the flip side, my husband and I had 2 more kids (boys – 8 & 1.5). The crazy thing is that I felt embarrassed when I realized I was pregnant with the last one! Society has conditioned us to think that there is a ‘right’ age to have a child and we’re suppose to be at a certain level! Not so! I am 32, married, & well into my career with some of the added luxuries that were mentioned above and I don’t think there is a set age for any of this! As I got older, I thought, ‘wow, I’ll be done with this pretty soon!’ But now that we have the younger two, I love the fact that we’ll have some extra enjoyment into our ‘senior’ years! =)
Great post and inspiriting comments. I am a 30Something mom and I agree with many of the comments from my peers. I’m kinda jealous of you young mommies. Your energy level is way up there and lord knows when your children are in HS mine will still be in Elementary school which means my nest won’t be empty until I’m 60! Keep up the good work… and no the grass isn’t always greener.
My mom had me at 21. After her divorce from my dad she went from working for extra spending money to becoming the sole provider of our family. Times were tough. We went from a nice neighborhood to living in subsidized housing in a not so great neighborhood. As the eldest child of three I became a little mother overnight. My mother had a talk with me and told me that she needed me to help the family. She said that she was going back to school to pursue her Master’s degree so that she could get a better job. She expressed how sorry she was that I had to make this sacrifice, but assured me that once she graduated things would get better.
When I think back to those times I don’t remember what we didn’t have or how unfair it was that I had to grow up so quickly. Instead, I am overwhelmed with adoration for my mother who worked three jobs and put herself through graduate school to provide a better life for us. The summer after graduation my mom moved us to a new neighborhood. That experience taught me the power of education, the importance of family and that I can accomplish anything if I set my mind to it. My mom often says we grew up together and in some ways that’s true, but I wouldn’t change a thing!