I had a firm rule when we lived in our apartment – no playdates.
We barely had enough space for me to turn around and not trip over the kids without allowing more little ones to suck up the same tiny space of air. I figured, my kids are young enough that their need for social interaction could be met through their hours at daycare each day.
But now that we have more space and the kids are getting older and able to form friendships with the munchkins they see every day at daycare, perhaps it’s time to revisit that rule.
But what exactly is a playdate? I mean, back in the day, didn’t they used to just call it, um, hanging out with friends?
What goes into this “playdate” thing? Are you supposed to have actual activities? Do you have to feed the kids? Are you supposed to participate or just let them play by themselves?
I’m clueless, y’all. Help me out!
A playdate is similar to hanging out with friends, but there’s an assumption that the other kid’s parent will stay at your house, unlike when we were kids and we just wandered the neighborhood. My kids are 2 and 3.5 and we haven’t reached the age when that ends, quite, yet. You can always ask the other parent, “Do you plan to drop your child off or stay?” in which case, they’ll generally ask you what you prefer. Don’t be afraid to say, “There’s no need for you to stay, I can handle them on my own…” because 1) Other Mom gets time to herself, and 2) Other Mom will then owe YOU time to YOURSELF! Win/win. But if her kid’s a tyrant, say, “Oh, I thought I’d make a coffee cake and we could visit,” or something.
There’s also, generally, a set starting and ending time, which wasn’t the case when we were kids. When we were kids, the end time was “when the streetlights come on.”
A snack is always a good idea. There will be an expectation of a meal if you ask them to come over, say, from 10:30 – 1 pm. Playdates should NEVER last more than 3 hours, as kids that age just don’t have the stamina for that much fun. I once had a mom camp out at my house for FIVE HOURS with her kids, which totally disrupted our nap schedule. I haven’t invited her over since, even though my oldest really likes her oldest, and our second daughters are similar in age. Don’t outstay your welcome. Sometimes it helps, especially when you’re inviting people to your house, to have an “appointment” the same day. That gives you an excuse to say, “Oh my gosh, look at the time! We need to get ready to go to our next activity…” and throw the Mom Camper out.
Playdates have evolved due to 1) hovering parents, and 2) most kids not being free to roam their neighborhoods, and 3) kids having friends who live outside their neighborhoods. It can be a nice way to get some social time in for yourself, too, assuming that you want to get to know the other parents involved.
Be aware that most parents whose kids are in full-time daycare have busy evening schedules, and don’t take it personally if they decline. A weekend playdate might be a better idea. It’s always convenient to meet somewhere other than your house, too, for the first couple dates, until you have a clear idea about the parents (see above: Camper). Also, if your kid completely melts down at, say, the zoo, you can bolt without feeling guilty, whereas if you’re at home you have to do the awkward, “Well, thanks for coming, but obviously this isn’t working…” thing.
Good luck, and have fun!
Amy
Amy hit it on the head! i was just going to say that a playdate is whatever you want it to be…whether you stay at home or go out somewhere, the other mom stays or leaves or whatever. being a sahm, we’ve had a zillion playdates…chilling and chatting at home while the kids play, going to actual places like gymnastics class and lunch afterward or even to plays. anything where the kids involved are socializing and having a good time…
Gurl, I wish I could help you. Oh I know…that’s something moms do on TLC.
Yes, I have play dates too.
It’s like everyone said, you can make it the way you want. Back in the day, our parents just hooked up with folks. Today, we actually make plans.
One can go to the playground, the beach, someone’s home, the gym, or for a walk.
Personally, I play with the babies.
When we lived in VA, we had activities set up for the babies.
So what exactly do I do? Just walk up to one of the parents at daycare and say, “Hey, our kids should hang out” or “How about a playdate on Saturday?” I guess just making it seem like this formal process makes me nervous. I dunno. It seems like playdates are for people you are trying to know but just “hanging out” is for the kids/parents you already do….What I mean is, I wouldn’t call up my best friend and say, “Hey girl, let’s have a playdate this weekend with you and Little Man.” I call her and say, “Hey, let’s hang out this weekend, take the kids to the park. Around 2? See you then!” Real casual…Maybe I’m just making it a bigger deal than is necessary. LOL.
@Amy – Thank YOU for that long comment! I feel well-versed in playdate ettiquette now.
I’ll have to find some parents with some kids around my daughter’s age. My husband drops the kids off/picks the kids up so I’m rarely at the daycare to interact with other parents…Wish me luck!
@ Dantresomi – I think that’s what’s throwing me. I was young not too long ago and I don’t recall hearing the word “playdate” until three or four years ago. I used to just say so-and-so was coming over to play and that was it. But we have a name for everything now, huh?