Just read this essay about a 37-year-old writer (self-described as “broke and single”) who asks her good friend’s ex-boyfriend (got that?) to be her, um, baby daddy. She wants him to sleep with her until she gets pregnant and then beat it, because she’s moving cross-country with the kid.
Um, yes, that sound you just heard was my head exploding, which pretty much lets you know my feelings on the matter. Now I’ll just leave it up to you:
What do you think? Is it wise to get yourself pregnant on purpose, with no expectations from the father? Is it fair to the child? Does it matter? Let me hear your thoughts…
She went about it in an unconventional way, but not as bad as women who go to sperm banks. I’m a single parent myself, although not by choice. I wouldn’t go about it in the same manner if I thought I wanted some more kids without the headache of a relationship.
@ Nikki – See, I know tons of single mothers and I can’t believe anyone would want to do that job by themselves. It’s exhausting for me, but I do have a partner that can take turns with me. How do you manage? Is it a big deal for you, or is it just a part of your life, not what defines you? I’m always curious as to how the benefits of motherhood in general outweigh the headaches of being a single parent….
Ummm okay, yeah…this has be outraged in the words of my wonderful niece, lol. Seriously, she needs to have her head examined. There are so many issues wrong with this situation.
1st, ur good friend’s ex- boyfriend? Since when did it ever become cool or acceptable to mess around with a GOOD friend’s ex?! There are boundaries you don’t cross and that’s one of them.
Secondly, it’s not fair to the child, the potential father and down the road she is going to see it isn’t going to be fair to herself. Why not go to a sperm bank? Those men obviously don’t care if they have random children all around the world. This man may actually want to take part in his child’s life, yet she plans to strip that away from him. Then how do you explain to your child where his/her daddy is when s/he asks? When all the other kids can bring their fathers to school for father son/daughter day.
There are some things I am going to struggle with. I don’t know when or how I am going to tell Jaedyn about his father. I know I will have limitations too. I can’t teach him how to pee standing up, how to fight or even how to put air in a tire! So I think it puts the child at a disadvantage.
Finally, I hope she has a GREAT family or support system where ever she is going. Being a single parent is no joke. I can’t soak in a tub and relax, every bath I take my son is in there with me. I can’t hand my son off to someone when I need a break or I’m dying for a nap or really need to get some laundry done, etc. Going at it alone is an INSANE thing for someone to willingly say they want!
I totally agree with Courtney. I won’t mince words. She was pretty selfish in her choice. She didn’t account for her own feelings (as in, they might change and complicate things), the feelings of her child’s father and most of all, she didn’t consider the needs of her child. Being a single parent is a reality for many, but in no way is it the ideal. I feel sorry for the baby because the time is going to come when she’ll have to explain herself. Kids eventually grow up and he’ll catch on to the fact that his mama was a user who pretty much cut daddy out of the picture in a big way.
We have to remember that there is a reason it is ideal to have both parents raising children in the same household. So when you make decisions to eliminate one parent you cripple your child in ways that are hard to fix. What if its a boy? Women CANNOT teach boys to be men. We do our best but we can’t teach them to be somehting we are not. What if its a girl? Girls need the affirmation and no-strings-attached love of their father to show them how a man should treat a women.
I cannot imagine raising our daughter on my own. Being a single parent is not glamorous, no matter how the celebraties make it seem. Maybe she needs to talk to some single parents because I can’t imagine any of them preferring to raise a child alone.