I almost quit my job today.
Not because I hate it or any stress-related issues, but because of my daughter.
Every day for the past two weeks, whenver I go somewhere without her, she clings to my leg and cries out, “No, I want to stay with MOMMY!” She screams and fusses and falls out and yells for me. “Mommy, please! Mommy, stay with me! Mommy, I need you!” 
Sigh. Hello, guilt. Long time no see.
I know she just misses me, as both my babies have spent every weekend the past month with my parents as we went house-hunting. Sometimes we’d go see six or seven houses and it wasn’t fair to keep lugging the kids from house to house in the cold. So they stayed with Nana and PopPop.
But I still felt guilty, even though my extended absences were for good reason.
But I took a deep breath and remembered:
- Every single thing I do in my life is meant to make hers easier. I go to work every day to make the money to pay for the necessities to raise her. It costs money to raise a child.
- I had to spend time away from her in order to do something good for her. I’m buying her a house. That’s wonderful. She’ll have more stability, more space to play, and FINALLY she can have some friends over, and I won’t feel like I’m being suffocated by kids.
- I need my “me time” in order to be a better mom. When I get my time away, I feel refreshed and ready to go. I’m more patient, loving and kind. It works for me.
How do you get rid of your mommy guilt? Share your tips in the comments!
Aie — I keep repeating the same things you say to yourself when you need to get rid of mommy guilt. My son’s only nine months old, so he can’t cling and shout my name — yet! But he still looks stricken if I leave to go for a run, let along something work-related. Hang in there! I agree you’re doing everything you can to make your child’s life better.
Umm I’m at home but mine will still give their adequate share of Mommy guilt. My oldest couldn’t bear for me to be out of his sight, and even now at 6 years old gets teary when left *anywhere* even his grandparents who he begs to go visit. This too shall pass- you are doing a great job providing a wonderful life for your children and they will understand when they get older that the sacrifice is all worth it.
I agree that some “me time” is definitely needed to recharge and be a better mom. Have you ever considered working from home, since you’re a journalist? Sometimes providing the best doesn’t always mean finances. Being there for them at home might be one of the best things that you can do for them. And, you can still earn money doing what you already do, but from home. Just a thought.
@Sbelle – Sssh, don’t tell anyone, but that is what I hope to do by the time my youngest enters preschool. However, it IS expensive to live where we do. We picked a community that has top notch schools, virtually no crime and tons of family-friendly amenities. All of that comes with a price.
While I agree having the mommy at home is AWESOME for the kids, I also think that it’s okay for moms to need that interaction with other adults and the satisfaction that comes with working on a work-related project. I want to have the best of both worlds, where I can make money and stay with the kids. Why does that seem to be so hard to accomplish? Hmmmm….
Wow! Whew! Well, I never really went through a lot of this. A tear or two then out of sight out of mind for my kids. But, I think I’m going to be the one kicking and screaming, not wanting to leave my baby because I’ve never stayed with any of my babies for months accept for this one. Sigh.
My mother put me in daycare “to get me from under her dress tail,” as she put it, because I was so clingy. I cried the WHOLE day, and wouldn’t eat or talk to anyone. The teachers got so fed up with me that they put me in a room by myself to pout. And you know what, my mother woke me up the next day and dropped me in that same hell hole. Well, it wasn’t really a hell hole, but that’s what I thought about the place then.
Eventually, I adjusted. And I’m sure your kids will too. You owe it to yourself, for the sake of your sanity, to have time apart from your children.
I think every mom is guilty of the feeling that if you are not fully engaged with your child you are a less than “perfect” mom. But, I have to remind myself that if I don’t work, have date nights with my hubby, or sit by myself for an hour without her…it’ll benefit her in the long run.